


I will possess your heart

by ReyloRobyn2011



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Badass Rey, Devoted Kylo Ren, Devoted Reylo, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond, Force ghost Anakin is sassy, Gray Jedi, Greylo, He's a virgin she's a virgin everybody is a virgin, Humor, Love, Luke is a cinnamon roll, Obsessive Kylo, Possessive Kylo, Snoke Is A Creep, Torture, Virgin!Kylo, a tiny bit cracky, canonverse, only because Star Wars verse intimidates me, slowish burn, virgin!rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9335705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/pseuds/ReyloRobyn2011
Summary: Picks up right after episode 7. Kylo Ren is plagued with dreams and visions of Rey.





	1. Chapter 1

"It is you." 

Kylo's thoughts kept repeating those three words as he laid in the snow of the collapsing Starkiller Base. It is you. He felt the rumble of the ground breaking apart in front of him. She was on the other side of the gorge. Her, the scavenger. She gave him a parting look before darting into the forrest. He felt the loss of blood beginning to take effect as his vision saw spots. It is you. He felt the wet ground soak into his outer layers. "Rey," he groaned as he finally lost consciousness. 

Kylo awoke with a jump. He was in a medical ward on a shuttle. He turned to take in his surroundings and was met with the image of his body laying on a cot hooked up to machines. Am I dead? He thought as he began patting his body, the one not currently laying on a cot. 

"You aren't dead." Said a voice behind him.

Kylo, startled from the interruption, turned aggressively as he grabbed for his lightsaber. He patted his hip but nothing was there. Right, of course, this wasn't his human body. He looked for the source of the voice to find a young man with shoulder length brown hair. "Who the hell are you," Kylo snarled. 

The man chuckled to himself and replied, "You know who I am. Feel it through the force. You will find your answer." 

He looked the man up and down again. Sighing he closed his eyes and felt the intruding man's aura. "No, that's impossible. Grandfather?"

"Congratulations, grandson," Anakin Skywalker remarked. 

"How are you here if I'm not dead. I don't understand." 

Anakin rolled his eyes and gestured wildly with his arms, "I'm a force ghost, didn't your uncle Luke teach you anything?" 

Kylo outright laughed, "To answer your question, no, and he did mention force ghosts but I thought that was uncle Luke being batshit crazy." 

His grandfather chuckled again, "well that may be somewhat true; however, we have some important things to do. There is a purpose for me being here after all." 

Kylo smirked and replied, "lead the way, I suppose?" 

Anakin waved his hand and a door appeared. He turned the knob and stepped aside to let Kylo walk through. Kylo raised an eyebrow in question as he shuffled past his grandfather. What in gods names was going on? The room on the other side of the door was a bedroom he hadn't seen in many years.  
"Why? What is the purpose of this?" 

"Oh I think you'll find this journey very interesting. Very telling. Just watch," his grandfather had replied. 

Kylo took in the scene. He saw a young version of himself laying in his bed tossing and turning in his sleep. He couldn't have been older than six standard years.

"So I was little and had nightmares, what of it?" He asked in annoyance. 

Anakin sighed and grabbed his shoulders from behind pointing to the younger version of himself. "It wasn't just nightmares Ben, it was more than that. Look deeper." 

Kylo felt anger start to brew at the sound of his given name. "It's not Ben anymore, I go by Kylo now. You should know that, ghost." 

"You will always be Ben to me." 

"Okay Vader," Kylo mocked. 

His grandfather was starting to lose patience with him. "Ben, you know I am not Darth Vader anymore. I turned to the light in the end. Didn't Luke tell you?" 

"Hah! You are delusional. My loving parents and uncle thought it was the best to lie to me my entire life about who you were. What you became. I found out on the holonet of all places." 

"Hmm not their smartest decision was it Ben? But we are Skywalkers and we are always making the wrong decision one way or another." 

Kylo had to laugh at that understatement. "Well whatever, we are getting off topic. Why are my childhood nightmares important?" 

Anakin took that moment to freeze the memory. He walked over to little Ben and tapped his temple. Kylo and his grandfather found themselves inside the nightmare.

They were standing in a dark cavern. His younger self was weighted down by heavy chains. There was a dark hooded creature directly behind little Ben. Kylo watched as the skeletal hands gripped his shoulders from behind. The creature whispered into his ears playing on the insecurities of his childhood. He watched as younger Ben cried. Something about this felt familiar. He remembered that he suffered from nightmares. The details of those nightmares seemed to have slipped his mind. He had thought perhaps his subconscious blocked them from his mind. Now he was having doubts. His grandfather approached him on his side. 

"Do you remember this?" 

Kylo didn't have to give him an answer. The creature kept whispering. Kylo walked closer, he needed to hear what was being said. He heard the accusations.

They don't love you, they are scared of you. They lie to you. I can help. When the time is right, you will come to me. 

Little Ben was holding his hands over his ears and screaming no no no no no. 

Kylo felt his body fuel with rage. Why would his grandfather show him this? This creature spoke the truth. What did it matter, and why did all of this feel so familiar? Kylo snapped his head around to look at the force ghost behind him. Anakin gave him a pointed look. 

"Don't you see Ben, you were being manipulated from the very beginning. Don't you see who did this to you? Look inside yourself and you'll know it's true." 

In a way he did know. This conversation eerily reminded him of the one with his father on Starkiller Base. The last conversation he had with his father. He remembered his fathers words. 

He's using you for your power. Once he gets what he wants, he'll crush you.

Snoke. It had always been Snoke. 

Kylo started pacing the small cavern with his fists clenched. He began punching the stone wall over and over until his knuckles were bloody. Anakin watched him with his arms crossed. 

"Are you quite finished?" 

"Like your one to talk, ghost." 

Anakin shrugged but continued, "why are you being so defiant with me? I'm trying to help you Ben. I've heard your pleas for help. I've only ever able to reach you now." 

"Lies, you're lying. How can you look me in the eye and tell me that? After I found out about you, who you really were, you spoke to me. You told me about the dark side and the power. And then nothing. You never spoke to me again." 

"Oh Ben. No. Don't you see." 

Kylo began screaming as he dropped to his knees. "Everyone I've ever known has lied to me. How am I supposed to trust anyone. My parents, Luke, Snoke, how do I even know if you are real? I'm probably going kriffing crazy. I'm probably dying right now and this is the way my brain is coping with death." 

He felt a smack across the back of his head. "What the kriff ghost?" 

"Quit being an idiot. You aren't dead. We need to get moving. I still have more to show you and I don't have a lot of time. Save the melodrama for later." 

Anakin walked over to a door near the back of the cavern and opened it for Kylo. "Now that you know who has been manipulating you your whole life, let's look back on what the force has been trying to tell you." 

The door led to unbearable heat. The sun pierced through Kylo's dark robes causing him to sweat instantaneously. He was surrounded by nothing but sand. The force ghost made a face of disdain. 

"I don't like sand." 

Kylo snorted, "Let me guess? It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere." 

Anakin glared at him. 

"Yeah sorry Gramps, worst pick up line ever." 

"How could you possibly know about that?" His grandfather asked. 

"Obi Wan told Luke all about that one." 

"Obi Wan, I told him that in confidence, and well it worked. Padme was pretty impressed with me. I even floated a pear to her. Now that's how you impress a girl, remember that Ben. Obi Wan on the other hand, just wait until I see him again. I'll give him a piece of my mind." 

"Grandfather, you literally killed him, I think you can give him a pass." 

Anakin gasped in offense, "like you are one to talk. You just killed your father you nerfherder." 

"Hey," Kylo yelled. "I didn't want to kill him. He wasn't supposed to even be there. What the kriff was he doing? Besides, the act was supposed to make me stronger. It only weakened me. Snoke lied to me, again. I can't trust anyone." Kylo hung his head in shame. Killing his father would always be his greatest regret. He remembered what his father looked like at he yelled his name... 

He was standing on the bridge staring at the man that yelled a name he hadn't gone by in years. He shouldn't have come here. Why did the man always insist on running head first into trouble? The man, his father, slowly approached him. Painting a picture of a family that missed their son. A home he could go back to. But he couldn't go back, he had done too much. Snoke would never allow it. 

"Your mother misses you." 

Like a dagger to his heart he felt himself blink back the tears. Could she really? No, he could never go back. He felt the push and pull of the dark and the light battling in his chest. 

"I'm being torn apart, I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" He asked his father. 

"Yes anything." 

Kylo unhooked his lightsaber from his belt and handed it to his father. Could he really come home? Could this be the end of it? The light started to dissipate and they were left in the dark. Panic started to set in as he realized that the weapon was charged. The weapon would be fired within minutes, which would mean there would be no home to go back to. His mother.... At that moment a voice in his head encouraged him. 

"You know what has to be done. Eliminate your weakness. Do it now and you will be more powerful than you can ever have imagined. There is nothing left for you there, Kylo Ren." 

Suddenly he plunged the saber through his fathers chest. This would be the end of it, the end of the pain and torment. The end of the struggle with the dark and the light. This act would be the one to solidify his place in the dark side. He felt the gentle caress of his fathers hand upon his cheek. The look in his fathers eyes that told him "I forgive you" as he gently pushed his father off the platform. 

Kylo felt dejected. The act was supposed to make him more powerful. It was supposed to siphon out the remainder of the light within him; and yet, he only found himself feeling weakened. His eyes widened as he felt his father die. Then, in a flash he felt the awful sting of a bowcaster shot. Falling to his knees and trying to regain his composure. He looked up to the sight of the girl. The look on her face was one of disgust and horror. Beside her was the defector stormtrooper, the traitor. He was the one that brought his father here. Anger and despair fueled him as he chased after the traitor. He would finish him off and then take the girl. He would prove to Snoke that he was not a failure. 

The memory unsettled him. It was something that would be etched into his brain for the rest of his life.

"Ben, your father wanted to bring you home. Maybe, in a way his death could be the the thing that brings you back. True balance doesn't lie in the dark or the light. I know you are constantly feeling torn apart. I heard your pleas. I just wasn't able to reach you until now. I have some theories about though. You have a journey ahead of you. Now, we need to keep moving." 

"Where are we anyway? Tatooine? Jakku?" Ben asked.

His grandfather gave him no reply as he led the way through the sand to a toppled over AT-AT. 

"This was Rey's home. I saw this in her mind. Why are we here?" 

Anakin continued to walk towards the AT-AT. Kylo took a look around inside the little home Rey had made for herself. There was a wall of scratches marking the days she had spent on Jakku. All those days that she waited for her family. He brushed his fingertips over the markings as he surveyed the rest of the room. 

"You realized something about her, didn't you Ben?" 

Kylo didn't respond. He trailed a finger across a shelf built into the wall. He bent down to look at the little hand made pilot doll. Kylo wondered if Rey had made this herself. There was also a dead flower, and a bell. Little scavenger. So peculiar, such a collector, his scavenger. And she would be his, he would make sure of that. 

"To answer your question, yes. I've had visions of her. I didn't realize at first, I did have my suspicions though."  
There was a loud bang from the entrance and a small child walked in. She was carrying a small portion package and a canteen of water. When she turned around, Kylo saw the three little buns that lined the back of her head. This was indeed a younger Rey, probably about 10 standard years old. He watch curiously as she walked around her home. She settled into her hammock and cuddled up into a ball. She looked so lonely. Kylo clenched his fist at his side at the thought of her abandoned on this waste of a planet. He vowed to find who left her here, who made her suffer. He would end them all. 

"Come on, we must go now." Anakin said as he grabbed Kylo's shoulder. Kylo shook him off. He walked over to where the little Rey was curled up sleeping. He placed his hand on top of hers and brushed the hair behind her ear with his other hand. He whispered promises to her that he only hoped he could keep. With that thought, he stood to his full height and followed his grandfather out the front entrance. 

They walked together for a while heading towards Niima Outpost. Kylo didn't question his grandfather at this point. He seemed to have his own agenda. The sun beat down on his back causing him to sweat. He wondered how he could sweat in a vision but thought better of even asking. The force was truly bizarre at times. His legs felt like they would give out at any moment, when finally the force ghost pointed to a vile creature setting up shop for the day. To say the alien was grotesque would be an understatement. He was large with sagging rolls of fat. His face wore a permanent scowl that didn't do anything to help his persona. Kylo recognized this man (if you could call him a man) from Rey's mind. Unkar Plutt was his name, and he would consistently give his Rey the least amount of portions for her finds. Plutt would do this purposefully so that Rey would have to scavenge more. Kylo imagined that Plutt had more nefarious thoughts on how he could help Rey's situation. This would be the first person he would kill for her honor. 

Anakin looked at Kylo and rolled his eyes. "You can't kill him here, you know that right? Not that he doesn't deserve it. I'm sure you've seen this sack of bantha fodder in her mind? You know when you tried to flirt but failed miserably." 

Kylo's first instinct was to punch his grandfather in the face, instead he clinched his fist and spoke with mock confidence, "It would have gone just fine. I carried her like a bride to my ship. I even held on to her until we arrived on Starkiller. Then I waited patiently in a submissive position until she woke up. You should have seen the look on her face when I took my mask off." 

"You knocked her out and shackled her to an interrogation chair. Then you proceeded to force your way into her mind to read her thoughts. Bravo grandson." 

"Okay hold up, first off she shot at me before I even said anything to her. She would have never come willingly, and she had seen the map. That's why I took her to begin with." 

"Uh huh, did you know those stormtroopers that watched you bring her onto your shuttle made bets on why you left the droid and came back with a girl? One of them claimed you were trying to prove a point to that red headed weasel. Something about how you could get a girlfriend."

"Hux is just jealous. And those stormtroopers are idiots anyway. What do they know? Honestly, I went easy on her." 

"And what were you looking for in her mind, it certainly wasn't for a map to my son."

"Well, whatever. So I got a little distracted. I just wanted to know a little about her, it's not like she would tell me anything."

Anakin's head snapped up, trepidation painted on his face. "Ben, I have to go. Ben. Ben." 

The scene faded away and all Kylo felt was exhaustion and pain. He thought he could still hear his grandfathers voice whispering his name. His given name. There was nothing but darkness surrounding him. He attempted to open his eyes, the bright light assaulted him piercing and burning. He felt a slap on his face and a stinging pain from the gash that had been left by Rey. Kylo groaned and punched at the air in the general direction that the slap had originated from. 

"Ren. Wake the kriff up Ren. You've been out for two days." 

Kylo was finally able to open his eyes to look at the one responsible for slapping him on his injured face. Annoyance grew at the sight of none other than General Hux. His face stung and his side throbbed from the bowcaster wound. A medical droid was zipping around the room checking his vitals. He realized that even though he was hooked up to machines, he hadn't had any bacta applied to his wounds. 

Kylo gave Hux a look of indignation. Hux didn't seem bothered in the least, as he continued to berate him. 

"And you just had to let your personal interests get in the way of the actual objective. I warned you about this Ren, Supreme Leader is not pleased with your erratic behavior as of late. Now, because of your failings MY base has been blown to stardust."

Hux's ramblings and the migraine setting in was a bit of a lethal combination. Kylo reached his hand out and started to force choke the ginger bastard just to get him to shut the kriff up. Hux clawed at his neck while gasping and gagging for air. Finally, Kylo relented and let him go. Hux collapsed onto the ground while taking greedy gulps of air. 

He may have gone a little too far, but honestly he couldn't care less. Hux on the other hand saw red. 

"You ungrateful little shit. I could have left you to die on Starkiller and this is how you thank me?" 

Force he never shut up. Kylo used the force to pick him up and throw him out of the room, locking the door without a second thought. 

Pounding on the door startled him from his short lived tranquillity. 

"We are a few hours from Moraband. I suggest you rest while you have the chance. The Supreme Leader will not be as kind." 

Kylo heard the departing steps of the General as he laid his head down on the small medical cot. 

He was beginning to question everything. He felt more confused now than he had ever felt. Killing his father had been a mistake. A grave mistake. He felt nauseous at the memory, at the look on his fathers face. The shock, and then- acceptance, forgiveness. His father forgave him in those last seconds of his life. How could he? But the feeling of his fathers warm palm across his face was proof enough, his father had forgiven him. However, he would never forgive himself. 

Think of something else. Anything else. He told himself. His thoughts drifted to hazel eyes and chestnut hair. Rey, his Rey. His scavenger with the light that shined so bright. The light that threatened to pull him in. He felt his eyelids start to drift closed. The light was comforting. He dreamt of her. 

She had her arms around his neck with her head thrown back and she was smiling, laughing. His arms were around her waist. He stroked her sides with his thumbs as he smiled down at her. 

"Ben." She sighed into his neck, her hands ruffling his hair. 

He moved one hand to her lower back to push her against him. His over hand tilted her chin up so he could look into those hazel eyes. 

"You're mine Rey, and I want to do right by you. Please Rey." 

She let out a small gasp, as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. Tracing his fingers along her jawline and down her neck across her collarbone. Kylo pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. She was warm. She surrounding him in her light and he reveled in it. He opened his eyes to stare into hers. Those eyes-- bright and full of wonder. Eyes that sparkled like the night sky. 

"Don't give up on me starlight." He whispered into her hair as he held her close.

Kylo felt his eyes open. The dream slipped away like water through his fingers. Rey's warm and comforting light receded into the depths of his heart covered by the familiar darkness. That little spark of light, however, refused to burn out. He felt the shuttle start to descend. Snoke would be waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we get Rey's POV.

Galaxies away, Rey awoke with a start. "What was that?" She whispered in the darkness of her stone hut. Rii'a only knows why she would dream about that. 

Rolling over on her cot, she attempted to go back to sleep. She thought of her days on Jakku, waiting for her family that she had hoped would one day return. Was she not good enough? A silent tear escaped her eye as she burrowed deeper into her pillow. Before long she was drifting off again.

Everything was hazy, it felt as if she had been drugged. Looking around the darkened room, she tried to focus. She heard a steady beep and the smell of bacta. Once her eyes had adjusted she could see a body laying prone on a standard hospital bed. The lights in the hallway flickered on and off. It was eerily quiet. She noticed that she had a searing pain across her face and another on her side. Gently lifting her tunic to inspect the area, she found-- nothing? 

This was peculiar. 

There was a bang on the door and a voice yelled out, "we've begun to descend. Don't make me come and get you. You have twenty minutes until we land." 

She scoffed at the rude tone. 

"What in the," the body on the bed uttered.

Rey locked eyes with the man on the bed. Those eyes, she wouldn't forget those dark burning embers. This was the second dream she had of him in one night, maker what was wrong with her?

"Rey? How?"

"It's just a dream Kylo, relax."

"Rey, I am very much awake right now and you are very much in my room staring at me."

"That's not possible Kylo, this is my weird dream. For whatever reason my subconscious wants to haunt me with images of you in my dreams."

He reached out with the intent to touch her, so she instinctively backed away. 

"Please come here Rey, I need to see if you are real. I must be really losing it if I was seeing force ghosts one minute and now you." 

"Force ghosts?"

"Kriff, just come here please," he motioned to her with his hands. 

Rey cautiously stepped forward into his space. He was sitting up now with his elbows resting on his knees. Suddenly he reached out to grab her. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her collarbone. 

"You're real? You're really here? How is this even possible Rey?"

She felt him start to nuzzle her and that ignited a rage in her chest. Who did he think he was? Rey pushed his shoulder back and slapped him across the face. 

"What the kriff was that for?"

"What makes you think you are allowed to touch me, let alone like that."

She was seething. The man was infuriating. He was a monster, he killed his own father. What gave him the idea that she would ever allow him to touch her in such an intimate way? 

Kylo was clenching his jaw into a grimace. She heard the squeak of his leather gloves as he formed a fist. She continued to glare at him defiantly. What she heard next shocked her. 

"You're just like everyone else. I'll never be more than just a monster to you. I wish you would try to understand me, Starlight." 

Understand him? The man that killed his own father. The man that almost killed Finn. Not only was he infuriating but he was delusional. 

"You're an idiot," she responded. She pulled away from him and out of his reach. She observed him as he grimaced and laid back down on the cot. 

"Yeah, well, you aren't the only one to think that. I'd like to be left alone now, so if you could kindly..." he gestured with his hands in a shooing motion, "go away. That would be fantastic."

Go away. She chuckled at that. She didn't even want to be here, but her mind or the force thought it was best to torment her. She must have laughed out loud because he was glaring at her now. 

"Get out," he yelled. "Get out of my head, get out of my room, get out of my dreams. Just get out." 

Suddenly he leapt up off of the cot and punched the machine that he was hooked up to. He ripped the monitors off that were attached to his body and threw them on the ground. In response the machines started beeping erratically. If there was ever a time for her body to wake up, now would be fantastic.

She heard the sound of approaching footsteps and a loud bang on the door. 

"For kriffs sakes Ren. Get your shit together." That same annoying voice from earlier shouted against the sealed door. Rey couldn't help the scowl that crossed her face. Kylo must have seen it, because he had finally calmed down enough to smirk at her. He was smirking at her. 

"What is it Kylo?"

"Oh nothing, I just found something else we have in common. A dislike for ginger rats."

"Ginger rats? What?"

"That man, was General Hux. Starkiller Base was his baby, he was the one that ordered the destructing of the Hosnian system. And he despises me. It's a mutual feeling."

"Well, he's disgusting. Why does he talk to you like that?" 

"He hates anything and everything to do with the force. Therefore, he hates me. He uses every opportunity to undermine me. But enough about him. Why are you still here? I told you to leave."

She rolled her eyes at him, "I don't know how to leave you idiot." She looked at him for the first time, really looked at him. She noticed the bandage across his face where she had cut him with her lightsaber. She reached out to him, fingertips grazing the cloth of the bandage. She wanted to see the damage she had done. Guilt settling in at her lack of control. She had let her inner rage get the better of her.

He flinched when she approached, and that just made her stomach even more unsettled. 

"I'm sorry, I just want to see it, what I did," she explained. 

He sighed but nodded his approval. She reached out and gently pulled the cloth off. The scar ran from his jaw line and across his face bisecting his eyes. It was already scabbed over, but the skin surrounding it was an angry red. 

"Do I look more like the monster you think I am?" She heard him reply under his breath. 

"Maker, quit being dramatic for once in your life," she said.

She had the sudden urge to trace her fingers down his scar, so she did just that. He hissed at the contact, but didn't move away or grab her hand. 

"For what it's worth, I am sorry," she found herself telling him. 

He grabbed her hand with his and squeezed it.

"I am more sorry than you'll ever know, Starlight."

Before she could respond or pull her hand away, she found herself waking up in her stone hut. Light was flooding the entryway. She knew she would have to tell Luke about these dreams, but she wasn't ready for what it could all mean. She would tell him, but not right away. 

***

"Concentrate, feel the force flow through you. Let it surround you." 

Rey closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Luke's voice. They were sitting at the top of the old Jedi temple in a clearing. It was peaceful almost holy. The force flowed strongly in this place. Rey tried to concentrate, she heard the break of the waves crashing into the rocky shore down below, the song of the birds flying above them, the brush of the wind in her hair blowing the scent of the ocean around her. She felt the familiar thread and grasped it. Slowly she felt the scattered rocks surrounding her begin to lift off the ground, and then they collapsed. 

"That was very good Rey, very good." 

She didn't agree, frustrated and angry she snapped, "For the love of-- why is this so difficult? It's just a few small rocks." 

Luke chuckled lightly at her. "You remind me of one of my old students." 

His face fell in sudden sadness. Rey wondered if the student was one that he had before Kylo Ren turned on him and ruined everything. Luke never talked about the past with her. When she showed up on Ahch-to holding the saber that belonged to his own father, he reluctantly listened to her tale and refused to go back to the resistance. He had been gone too long, Leia was wrong in needing him back. That's what he had told her. 

When she told him about her fight with Kylo Ren, Luke had called him Ben and requested she to do the same. She didn't want to call him that name, in her opinion he didn't deserve it. However, out of respect for Luke she did. He also requested that she not call him her master. He claimed that it had been too long, and if he was going to train her he was going to go about it differently. Apparently he had felt as if he did things wrong with his prior students. She wanted to know what happened. What could possibly make someone like Kylo, or Ben rather, snap the way he had. She had grown up all alone and starving on a desert planet for kriffs sake, and she didn't grow up to be a murderer. But didn't she? She had shot a few stormtroopers in the forest of Takodana. But that was war, it wasn't as if she enjoyed it. 

The memory of those dreams assaulted her, reminding her of what he had said. "You're just like everyone else. I'll never be more than just a monster to you. I wish you would try to understand me, Starlight." 

She didn't want to feel sympathy for him. She didn't want to understand him. Maybe she could try, just for Luke's sake. He still believed there was good in his nephew. Luke always saw the good in people. 

"Why don't you practice your meditation while I cook us some dinner?"

"Alright, alright. Thanks Luke."

She headed over to her favorite spot for meditation. Along the cliff side, overlooking the ocean. Here she could truly be at peace. She sat with her legs crossed and her palms facing up on her knees. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it out. She could feel the force in every living thing around her. She felt the threads that pulsed in the sway of the trees to the fish swimming in the ocean. She felt another thread that had wrapped itself around her. She grasped it and pulled.

Suddenly she felt like her entire body was being assaulted. Pain, so much pain. One moment she felt like she was being shocked, electrocuted. The next she felt as if someone was tearing into her mind and not in the same way that Kylo Ren had when he interrogated her. This person was ruthless. 

She felt a crack of what could only have been broken bones. Then she heard screams. She heard a voice inside of her head that screamed, "get out, please, I'm sorry. I am weak, please."

Someone grabbed her arms and shook her. She opened her eyes to find Luke staring at her with concern etched on his face. 

"You were screaming, what happened? Was it another vision?"

Rey was shaking in his arms. Her face was wet from the tears that were streaming out of her eyes. She was trying her best to speak but the words were caught in her throat. She felt Luke wrap his arms around her and hold her tight to his chest. 

"It's okay, you are alright. Let's go have that dinner, shall we?"

***

The fire pit crackled as embers flickered through the night sky. Rey sat wrapped in a thick wool blanket. Luke was serving up the dinner he had made them. It consisted of fish that he had cooked over the fire, and some broth that he put in bowls for each of them. 

Rey sipped on the broth. It was bland, but it was better than the portions she had on Jakku. 

Luke was watching her intently. She knew that he was waiting for her to explain what had happened during her meditation. Honestly, she wasn't quite sure what it was. She needed to come clean to him. She needed to tell him about her dreams, so why was it so hard to put those thoughts into words. 

"Luke, I've been having dreams. Dreams about... him."

He had his hands steepled in front of his face, elbows resting on his knees. "What sort of dreams?"

She sighed, this was going to be uncomfortable. "The first one was weird. I called him Ben. He was holding on to me, we were, embracing. Almost like lovers." 

She saw Luke grimace briefly before trying to hide the reaction.

"It wasn't like that Luke, I swear." 

"Alright, so that was he first dream, what about the second one?" He asked. 

"The second one was even stranger. He kept saying he was awake and wanted to make sure I was real. Something about force ghosts."

Luke hummed as he thought for a moment. 

"Rey, I think I know what is going on. But it's extraordinarily rare. In this case at least." 

She perked up at the prospect of knowing what was happening to her. Luke would know how to make these dreams stop. 

"Well, what is it? How do I make it stop?"

Luke grimaced again. This time looking slightly guilty. "Rey, I think that you and my nephew share a force bond. It's quite possible that the pain you felt earlier, was actually his pain."

"His pain? What are you getting at?" 

"Rey, a force bond is a link that connects two force users. Most occurrences happen between Master and Apprentice. Some occur in close family members. My sister and I have a very weak bond. This link, it allows the two force users to influence each other. Feelings, emotions, and communication can all bleed through your connection. If I'm right about this, then those dreams you have had were shared dreams with Ben. That would also mean, that awful pain you felt was something that happened to him on his end of the bond." 

"Is there a way to sever it? Luke, this is dangerous. He could find us. He could find the resistance. I'm a liability!" 

Luke gave her a sad smile, "I'm so sorry Rey, these bonds are permanent. Even in death, it feels as if one person has a gaping hole left behind where the other once was. As for you being a liability, I wouldn't sell yourself short. We can use this Rey, we can bring my nephew back to the light."

"He will never come back to the light Luke."

"Rey, did you think about why he was in so much pain? What could possibly be happening to him at that very moment? You realize how much pain you were in, imagine what he must have been feeling. I failed him Rey. I failed him when he needed me the most. He was preyed upon as a child. Han, Leia, and myself were too busy to notice. We chalked it up to it being a kid with nightmares. Snoke plagued him. He manipulated him. And now it seems he is abusing him in a physical way. I can't give up on him. I won't give up on him. He's my nephew, and I love him. I need to prove to him that he is good enough, that it was my failure as a Master."

Luke had never shared so much of his past before. She still held a lot of resentment and anger towards Kylo. However, Luke was adamant about him being a victim of abuse. And that pain, she couldn't deny that. Wherever he was, he was being tortured. The memory of those screams in her head, and the crack of bones. Why would he follow someone who abuses him so?

Standing by the fire pit, Luke bid her a goodnight as he walked down to his hut. 

"We will make a plan in the coming days, and discuss this revelation further." 

At that, he disappeared inside his hut. 

Rey looked up at the night sky, littered with stars. The light from the moon shining down upon the ocean water. 

She reached for that familiar thread in the force. She was assaulted with emotions, his emotions. He felt defeated, afraid, disappointment, betrayal, and a suffocating loneliness. 

She pushed a thought out to him, a comfort to surround him in his time of need. 

"Boy of the darkness and the light, I finally understand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update schedule won't be this fast, I just happened to have the second chapter half way done. The muse can be fickle. I hope to update once a week or so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning** for mentions of torture and starvation. It's not that graphic, and some parts in between are important to the story so I highly suggest reading it. But you can skip to the break if needed.

Three days. Three days he had been locked away in this cell. His wrists bound in Force repressing binders. Three days without food, three days with only little water given to him. The water, though needed was vile and cloudy in consistency. This was Snoke's punishment.

The last thing he remembered was bleeding out on the cavern floor at the feet of his Master. The Supreme Leader sat upon his throne with a look of disappointment etched across his face. 

He had used Force lightening on him, and dislocated his shoulder with a twist of his gnarled hand. He remembered what Snoke had said to him. 

"Insignificant fool. You, my most prized asset were defeated by an untrained little girl. You are foolish. You let your compassion cloud your judgment. Kylo Ren, you know this is for your own good. It seems I need to remind you where your loyalties lie." 

"Yes Master."

"Silence, you are to be punished for this clear and utter lack of discipline."

Kylo bowed his head to the cavern floor. Hadn't he been punished enough? His wounds from battle continued to fester from the lack of treatment, his arm dislocated, his mind invaded, what more could be done?

At that moment, he had felt a gentle caress. A sympathetic gesture, and those words that whispered in his ear "I finally understand." 

He felt warm and protected. It was Rey again, he wasn't sure what it was or how she was doing it. He was surrounded by her light. 

"What is this? A bond? With... the scavenger? How peculiar." 

Snoke smiled sardonically at him. A bond? A Force bond, but how? Before he could inquire, the door to the cavern opened and General Hux walked to the front. 

"Did you bring what I asked General?" He heard Snoke ask. 

"With pleasure Supreme Leader."

The binders were slapped across his wrists, and as they clasped shut the light that was surrounding him collapsed. He was left in utter darkness. And his connection to the Force was severed. 

Now, back in his prison cell he was starved and dehydrated. He could barely lift his body off the ground to reach the water that was tossed inside through a slot in the door. His throat was dry and cracked. His stomach was empty and nauseous. His arm was numb and he felt feverish. Whether it was from his infected wounds or the lack of sustenance, he wasn't sure. 

He could give up, right now. It wouldn't matter. He was too weak, too tired, and too injured to even reach that water. He needed that water. 

The stone floor was hard and cold against his back. He rolled over onto his stomach and pushed himself up to his knees, arms shaking with the strength it took to get that far. He had to go on. It would be so simple to just die here on this floor, but he needed to live. He had to atone for what he'd done. Atone to Rey, Luke, and his mother. 

He felt a pressure on his shoulders. A comforting squeeze. Pushing up even further to sit back on his heels, he looked up into the eyes of his grandfather. 

"Grandfather, you were right. He has always been using me. Everything I've done has been because of a lie. What am I to do now? Where am I to go from here?"

He couldn't hold in the emotion in any longer, it was unfortunate really. The tears streaming down his face. The ache in his heart at his actions. The disappointment in his own weakness. 

His grandfather held him as he sobbed. He felt fingers brushing his hair in a soothing caress. 

"Ben, I need you to be stronger than this. I believe in you. This is not your time to go, you are still needed. You have a purpose in all of this, and it's to bring balance to the Force. You have the strength to succeed. I know that."

With his grandfather's encouragement, he was able to lift himself up even further. Kylo grabbed onto the stone wall with his good arm. Leaning against it to support his weight as he made his way towards the canister of water. 

Each step felt like his bones were crushing under the dead weight of his body. His body shook with the amount of exertion it took to make it across the cell. He collapsed on the ground just a few feet away from the water. He reached his hand out, but wasn't quite able to reach. 

"Come on grandson, you're almost there."

He grabbed hold onto a crack in the stone floor and pulled his body further. Just a little further, he reached out again. His fingertips reached the canister. He reached out once again, dragging his body those few extra inches needed to grasp the water. 

He drank in greedy gulps, making sure not to waste a single drop. The water was warm and tasted stale. It was inconsequential in his predicament. Once finished with the water, he laid on his back letting the exhaustion take hold. 

He looked at his grandfather with half hooded eyes. 

"The first chance you get, you need to get out. Go to Luke."

"I don't know, never saw... the map," he gasped out between breaths. 

"There is another way, reach out to her." 

Kylo saw his grandfather smile before he closed his eyes, finally surrendering to the exhaustion. 

***

The door to the cell opened flooding artificial light into the dark room. Kylo squinted as his eyes burned from the sudden brightness. Hux was standing in the doorway with his arms clasped behind his back and a look of indignation on his face.

"The Supreme Leader is ready to see you, I'm going to un-cuff you now. Don't do anything stupid that you'll come to regret."

Kylo simply nodded his agreement. With the binders removed, he was flooding with the intensity of the Force. He was able to feel everything again, the suddenness of it all left him nauseous. As a Force sensitive, being cut off from the Force is unsettling to say the least. 

He was suddenly bombarded with a familiar voice. 

"You're alive? Kylo are you alright? Can you hear me? Answer me? You're actually alive? Maker, I thought you had died."

He clutched his head as an intense headache was setting in behind his eyes.

"Rey?" He replied through the Force. 

"What happened to you? You disappeared, the connection. It was gone. For days Kylo. You were gone."

"Rey, I can't explain right now, but I promise to soon. Please, I just need a moment. I promise I will explain everything. But I need you to leave, get out of my head. Just for a little while. I'll call out to you." 

"Alright, Kylo." 

"Thank you Rey." 

He felt her shock through the bond. Her reluctance to admit that she had actually cared about him. He hoped she would come to terms with it soon. He needed her now more than ever. His scavenger. 

"I'm not yours," she yelled at him before retreating from his mind. 

"You will be," he replied to the emptiness inside his mind. She would see. 

***

The meeting with Snoke was as he expected. Snoke held his chin and caressed his face. 

"It was all for your own good. You have learned from your insolence, and now you have become more powerful." 

Kylo held back the urge to bite Snoke's hand. He was then sent to the medical wing. 

***

With a snap, the MedDroid popped his shoulder back in place. He was given bacta patches to place on his infected wounds and was given fluids to ease his dehydration. Kylo knew he needed to act fast, he needed to get out of here before Snoke sensed his traitorous thoughts. 

Upon dismissal from Snoke's cavern, Kylo was given back his lightsaber and mask. He grabbed both off of the medical cot. He needed to steal a ship. 

Donning the mask, he made his way down the corridor. He was heading towards the hangar when he ran into Hux. Gods, he had the worst luck. 

"Ren, you look less like a dying batha. Where are you heading off to?"

"I don't answer to you, Hux. Now kindly piss off."

Kylo pushed him into the wall as he walked past him and down the corridor. He heard Hux muttering under his breath. He smirked inside his mask. Yes, he was definitely feeling better.

He arrived in the hangar just moments later. Officers and stormtroopers swarmed the platform. There was surely a ship he could discreetly steal. He would have to land on a planet and get a clean ship, that was for sure. 

He approached an Upsilon-class shuttle that was parked closest to the edge of the platform. He made his way up the ramp and set the coordinates to the first planet that came to mind. Then he started the engines up and hit light speed. It was a risky move and loathe as he was to admit it, he is his father's son. 

Once he hit atmo, he left the cock pit in the search of food. His stomach was rumbling and he was getting light headed. He still hadn't eaten in, what was it-- three days? Kylo rummaged through the cabinets until he found some protein packets. They were tasteless but he hardly cared as he scarfed them down. 

He laid back in his chair, his eyes burned and he just wanted to sleep. He would be arriving on Jakku in a few hours. There he could leave this ship and steal another. That way the First Order couldn't track his movements. 

Kylo rested his eyes, his mind immediately went to the image of hazel eyes, soft lips, and those three little buns that lined the back of her head. He wanted to taste her lips. He imagined what it would be like, their first kiss. He saw himself pulling her flush against him, one hand cradling her neck while the other supported her lower back. He dipped her low as he ravished her mouth. He peppered kisses down her jawline until he reached her ear. He whispered how much he wanted her, "I want you Starlight, my little scavenger." He moved his lips across her neck until he reached her mouth again. He pressed a deep kiss to her mouth when--

"Oi, oh my gods."

His eyes shot open and heat rose to his cheeks. She wasn't supposed to see that. Nosy little scavenger. 

"I told you I would contact you, Starlight. You shouldn't be delving into things that aren't meant for you."

"I can ignore what I just saw for now, but we will talk about that later. More importantly though, what happened to you? I thought you had died. That he-- that thing killed you. Luke insisted that you were alive, that he didn't feel you pass in the Force. But, what I felt was so strange. You were gone. Why did you shut me out like that?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, just know that I didn't shut you out. Not willingly."

"What did he do to you Kylo? Please help me understand."

He didn't have the strength to speak of what happened. He sent her images. Himself kneeling before his Master being struck with Force lightening. The binders being snapped onto his wrists. The dark shadows of the cell. His body laying prone on the stone floor. Himself dry heaving from the lack of food. His struggle to reach the water.

She was silent. He could feel her shock, her sympathy. A solitary tear escaped his eye as he squeezed them shut.

"Where are you now, Kylo?"

"On the way to a different planet. Where are you Rey."

She recoiled at his question. She still didn't trust him. Maker, what did he have to do to earn her trust? 

"Ahch-To," she whispered across the bond. "Don't make me regret this." 

Kylo smiled to himself as he settled into his seat. He would be seeing her soon. 

***

The sands of Jakku were red hot in the midday sun. Kylo's attire wasn't appropriate for this planet, not to mention they were bloodied and shredded. He walked straight to Niima Outpost in the hopes of finding someone to haggle with over some clothes. 

He approached an older wrinkled woman in a tent full of robes. She looked positively sunbaked. 

"I need some clothes. Do you take credits?" 

"Credits aren't worth anything here, we pay in portions. Got any portions pretty boy?"

"Excuse me, pretty boy?"

"Yeah pretty boy, you look like a dark prince. A little worse for the wear, but a dark prince none the less. I may have just the thing for you. But I'd need to see some portions first." 

Kylo grunted but pulled out the few ration packs he brought from this ship. 

"Will these work, is this enough?" 

"That's perfect."

She led him along the rows of tan and beige robes until she reached a far corner. She pulled out a black robe with long sleeves. There was a vest that cinched at the waist and reached mid thigh. Kylo quickly took off his outer layers until he was left in nothing but his black trousers and his suspenders. 

The old woman licked her lips and eyed him suggestively as she handed him the robes. He quickly turned his back to her. He didn't need her scrutiny. The robes fit surprisingly well considering his height. It was almost a perfect fit. He dumped the rest of his outfit but kept the hooded cowl. He would need it for protection from the sun, but also he was rather fond of it. 

He thanked the woman as he made his way out of the tent. 

"Come back to see me anytime, pretty boy." He heard the woman say as she disappeared back inside the tent. She's odd. He thought. 

Kylo had one more stop to make before stealing a ship and flying to Ahch-To. He was rather excited if he were honest with himself. He walked to his destination with a skip in his step. He quickly donned his mask and pulled his hood over his head. Reaching down to his hip he fingered his lightsaber. 

He approached the stand where the vile alien set up shop. Knocking on the window with his lightsaber he called out, "Plutt."

The man in question appeared in front of him. 

"What can I do for you."

"Two things. First I need you to commandeer me a ship."

"A ship, don't be ridiculous. There isn't anything here worthy of someone in your status. Surely you see that sir?"

"A ship, now. Get on with it." 

Plutt grimaced as he picked up his comm and requested for a ship to be readied.

"Now what else can I do for you sir?"

Kylo smiled behind his mask. He was going to enjoy this. 

"There was a young woman here before, her name is Rey. Brown hair, wore it in three buns. You know the one?" 

"She made off with one of my ships, of course I remember her. Why are you looking for her anyway?" 

"Is my ship ready?" He abruptly changed the subject. 

"Yes it's right over there," the grotesque alien pointed across the dunes.

"Fantastic. Now, I'm going to kill you."

Before Plutt could object, Kylo plunged his saber through the alien's chest. 

"This is for my Rey, you vile creature." 

He pulled his saber out and swiped it across Plutt's neck, decapitating him in one swift slash of his saber. He toed Plutt's crumpled body before walking towards his new ship. 

He was sure Rey would be pleased with him. Pleased that he eliminated the person that caused her so much distress growing up. He set the coordinates in the ship to Ahch-To. Leaning back in his chair, he gazed out the view port at the planet below. He vowed that he would find who had left her on this junkyard of a planet. 

He blew a kiss across the bond and pushed a thought out to Rey.

"I'm on my way, Starlight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, those robes are inspired by Luke's rotj outfit. And yes, Kylo has no idea that old woman was checking him out. He's clueless.
> 
> Next chapter will be more humorous. Had to get this hard stuff out of the way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke shares some of Ben's past with Rey. Later, Kylo arrives on Ahch-To.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter starts out in Rey's POV and then ends with Kylo's POV. I hope you enjoy.

There was nothing but radio silence for days. The bond was slammed shut, and she felt empty. Like a part of her was missing. She was convinced that he had died, that Snoke had eliminated him for his failings. That prospect made her stomach riddled with guilt. Guilt for not listening to him, guilt for being the reason for his torture and his death. 

Luke insisted that he was alive. Rey wasn't so sure. Luke remained adamant that his nephew was being cut off from the Force. They spent their days training and the nights he shared stories of Ben. The stories only served to make her understand him even more. She started to feel compassion for him. Rey never thought she would see the day that she would feel compassion for her enemy. However, Luke wouldn't consider him their enemy. The man still held out hope for his nephew's return. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't wrong. 

"He was a very lonely child. His parents were very busy with their own agendas. My sister, she was always leaving for meetings with the senate. She hated leaving him behind, but she wasn't good at expressing that to him. He felt as if she put her work first. And maybe in a way she did. We all made mistakes and we are all in part responsible for his fall."

Rey listened intently as Luke shared more of Ben's past. 

"Han I don't think ever truly wanted to be a father. He loved his son more than anything else in the galaxy, but he didn't understand him. Han never believed in the Force, and to have a son that was so strong at such a young age-- it was frightening to him. He wanted Ben to be normal. He wanted him to be interested in the things he was interested in so that they could bond. Having such strong feelings only pushed Ben further away from him."

"At my academy, he was shy and closed off. The other students took this as him thinking he was above them. They bullied him relentlessly. I tried to stop it, believe me when I say this. But a lot of it was done behind my back. And Ben wasn't one to share in his torments. Ben was so strong, leagues above everyone else. There was a lot of jealousy amongst my other students. I didn't want them to think I favored my nephew, so in doing so I too neglected him. I couldn't see what was actually going on with him. I never sensed Snoke's presence in his mind. I didn't see the manipulation taking root. He corrupted him, and Ben was the perfect target. He was a lonely, misunderstood kid whose family wasn't there for him. We weren't there to protect him. I can never forgive myself for that." 

Rey knew what she was about to ask him would be difficult to talk about. But she had to know. 

"What happened with the academy?"

Luke visibly tensed up. 

"It's not exactly what you think, I was away on a mission when it happened. I felt a great disturbance in the Force. When I got back to the academy it was already too late. Ben was surrounded by the carnage. His hands were soaked in blood and he looked at me with fear in his eyes. He kept whispering, 'this is my fault, what have I done.' I assumed the worst of him. I lashed out and placed the blame on him. He was shaking and begging me to listen and to understand. But I didn't listen, I was too distraught to process. He told me that the shadow man from his nightmares had a name. That his name was Snoke and he brought an army. Ben let them in. They destroyed everything. I blamed him, I shunned him. He ran away, and that was the last I had seen of him. He ran straight into Snoke's trap because of me." 

"Luke, it wasn't your fault. Snoke was the one that preyed upon him. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened." 

"I should have protected him, I should have listened. You understand now why I can't give up on him? He expects that of me." 

She nodded in silence as they sat together in the field where they trained. Luke gave her a shaky smile and told her he would be meditating. He suggested she do the same. Rey acquiesced and retreated to her favorite spot to meditate. 

***

Her mind was not focusing. She huffed in irritation at herself. Rey was about to give up entirely when she was bombarded with the opening of the bond. Shock and relief flooded her senses. He was alive, Luke was right. He was alive. 

She screamed at him over the bond, asking him if he was okay, what happened, why he closed the bond. He promised he would explain everything. She needed to tell Luke, likely he already knew. 

***

He was on his way here, because she had told him where they were. Gods, was she an idiot? Rey had mentioned this to Luke and he had a mix of emotions. He was happy that Ben got away but nervous about the confrontation. Luke insisted it would be in his best interest to lay low and let Rey approach Ben first. She knew how Kylo, or Ben rather, felt about her. He wouldn't hurt her, but he might hurt Luke. 

She waited in the clearing as she felt his Force signature grow stronger. Soon she was seeing a ship approaching and landing deftly. Rey remarked at his innate skill. A skill he most likely learned from-- no she wouldn't think about that right now. 

The ramp lowered as his towering gate appeared. He was wearing that damn mask. Why in kriffs sake was he wearing that thing? Her stomach flipped at the thought that he might have been playing them this whole time. And she and Luke were all too eager to fall into his trap. 

Anger fueled her body as she reached for the Skywalker lightsaber. 

Kylo starting speaking, "Starlight, I have-- what the kriff?" 

And she was swinging the saber at him. He parried her slash with his own crackling saber. 

"Rey, what has gotten into you?"

She didn't listen to him. Her body attacked on its own volition. He was on the defensive, striking to disarm not to hurt her. Once she had come to the realization, it was too late. She had him backed up to the cliff side. His foot slipped and suddenly she was lunging for him grabbing onto his tunic with both of her fists. She pushed him to the ground and stood abruptly. Then-- oh no. She was losing her balance and toppling over the side of the cliff side. 

Was this how she was going to die? Rey thought as she free fell into the cascading waves. Growing up on Jakku, she never had a reason or a need to learn how to swim. Now, she realized how that skill should have been mastered upon arrival on this island. 

She hit the water hard and her lungs instantly filled with water. She tried to push her arms to the surface but the burn in her muscles made it impossible. She felt her eyes start to close as the lack of oxygen took hold. She thought of brown eyes, full lips, and dark curly hair. Then there was nothing but darkness.

*******************************

Kylo jumped up from the ground and reached out to Force freeze her, but she had already tumbled over the edge. 

No, no, no, no, no. He had just arrived, he had just gotten to her. He would not lose her now. Without wasting another second he ripped his helmet off and threw it out of the way. His boots and tunic were next, leaving him in his trousers and suspenders. Then, he leapt off of the cliff and dived into the icy water below. 

He frantically searched through the water, where was she? Why couldn't he find her. The panic started to set in, she most likely didn't know how to swim. She grew up on that trash dump of a planet. Then he remembered the bond. He felt for her through the Force, there-- she was deep below the surface, unconscious. He needed to hurry. Kylo swam intently until he reached her lifeless body. She was so small, he would kill himself if he was too late. He grabbed her waist with one arm while pushing to the surface with the other. 

They broke from the surface and Kylo took a large breath, Rey wasn't breathing. No, no, no. He couldn't lose her. Planets would burn for this. Jakku would burn for this. He couldn't lose her, he wouldn't lose her. 

Kylo carried her out of the water with one arm supporting her back and the other beneath her legs. Much like the time he carried her to his ship. That first moment he had met his scavenger girl. He placed her gently on the sandy bank. A figure appeared out of the corner of his eye. 

"Stay back, don't touch her," Kylo yelled. 

His uncle had a worried look on his face, but he didn't make any move to come closer. 

Kylo remembered what had to be done in situations like these. When someone was drowning. He held her nose and placed his lips upon hers to breathe in air. He used the Force to pump her chest and soon she was coughing up water. She was still unconscious. He felt her Force signature, she was alive. She was still here, but-- she was still not breathing. He held her nose again and placed his lips on hers again. Breathing the life back into her. 

His lips were on hers when she opened her bright hazel eyes, and weren't they the most beautiful shade of green. His heart soared, she was alive. Then he felt a punch to his eye. He screamed out in pain as he looked down at his angry scavenger. 

"Rey, Rey, Rey, calm down! Ben saved your life." 

His uncle was defending him? 

She was gasping for breath as Luke helped her to her feet. 

"Why were you kissing me?"

"I was resuscitating you." 

"Why were you wearing the mask?"

She approached him then, just a foot away from him. He could feel his ears turning red in his embarrassment. 

"I wasn't ready for you to see the monster behind the mask." 

She closed the distance and traced her fingers along his scar. 

"You aren't a monster, Ben." 

He couldn't help himself as he grabbed her waist and pulled her to his chest. He had almost lost her. He wrapped his arms around her back bringing her in for a tight hug. She rested her cheek against his shoulder as he buried his face in her hair. The salty scent of the ocean palpable in their embrace. 

Luke let out a nervous cough. Rey jumped out of his embrace. He missed her already. But there would be plenty of time for that later. 

"We should probably get you both into some dry clothing and by the fire. I'll make some soup and then we can all... talk." 

Luke smiled and retreated back up the stone stairs. Rey followed his uncle. Kylo had no other choice but to follow his uncle and Rey. 

***

They were all seated around the fire pit. Rey had changed into a fresh tunic and leggings. Nothing his uncle owned fit his height, so Kylo sat in a tunic that was short on his arms and a blanket around his waist. 

Luke handed out bowls filled with the soup he had promised to make them. It wasn't the worst tasting food he'd ever eaten. It was warm and filled his stomach in a way that he hadn't had in many days. 

"I hope you don't mind, but Rey told me what happened to you. I'm glad you're here Ben." 

Kylo held his head down. They both had called him by his birth name. He liked the sound of it, but he was worried that he didn't deserve to be called that name. He wasn't that boy any longer. 

"Can you tell me what changed? What made you leave the Order?"

Kylo looked into his uncles face, those kind blue eyes full of worry. Worry for who? It couldn't be for him could it? Kylo let his eyes drift over towards Rey and then back to his uncle. 

"I see," Luke replied. 

He felt his cheeks turning pink. Luke looked just as embarrassed. 

"You know, back in the day attachments were forbidden," Luke said. 

Kylo felt a jolt of anger course through his system. Luke would not keep him from his Rey. Nothing would keep him apart from Rey now. Not even his hermit of an uncle. He felt hands on his shoulders. As he turned to look at the owner of the hands, Rey suddenly screamed. 

"What the kriff is that?"

At the same time Luke asked "Father?"

Anakin smirked at the group of Force users and took a little bow. 

"Indeed, it is I," the Force ghost replied. 

"Grandfather, tell Luke how flawed the 'attachments are forbidden' rule is," Kylo found himself saying. 

Kylo noticed that Rey was staring at the ghost in shock. He moved over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. 

"Smooth," his grandfather said as he winked at him. 

Kylo scoffed in annoyance. 

Anakin turned to Luke and replied, "Son, you really aren't one to talk are you?"

"What does he mean," Rey asked.

Anakin continued, "Well the only woman he ever kissed was his sister." Then he turned to Luke and continued, "Son, that's just not normal." 

"Oh for gods sake," Luke said. "That is the exact reason I swore off all relationships."

"You kissed mom?" How disgusting, Kylo thought. 

Rey couldn't hold in her laughter anymore using his shoulder to stifle the giggles. Hm, maybe this was working to his advantage. 

"How in the galaxy did you know about that father?"

"Obi Wan," replied Anakin. 

"You know, that man can really not keep a secret," Kylo answered. 

"All you need to know is that I didn't know she was my sister. Okay? Now I'm going to bed. I will see you all in the morning," Luke replied grumpily. 

Anakin disappeared without another word leaving Kylo and Rey alone. 

"So, do you like my fucked up family Starlight?" 

She rolled her eyes but smiled at him as she stood up. 

"Come on, let's get you settled in. We can talk more about your fucked up family in the morning." 

He couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he followed her towards the stone huts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love sassy Force ghost Anakin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke goes on a supply run, leaving Kylo and Rey to their own devices. What could possibly go wrong?

Kylo awoke to a knock on the stone hut he had claimed the night prior. He would have enjoyed spending the night in Rey's hut cuddled up with her, keeping her warm. However, he knew she didn't completely trust him yet. She was still apprehensive.

Luke peeked his head in and said, "Breakfast is ready … you might want to brush your hair first though."

He felt his hair and realized that Luke was right. His hair was sticking up all over the place and completely disheveled. He looked around the hut making sure Luke wasn't peering in, then he used the Force to fluff his hair into perfection.

"That's better," he thought.

He joined Luke and Rey by the fire pit where they were both eating Haroun bread. Luke tossed him a little bundle and he opened it to find a couple of the rolls for himself.

"Thank you, Uncle."

He could see the love in his uncle’s eyes at the moniker.

"Well, I'm leaving the two of you for a few days, supply run. We are down to the bare minimum right now. Rey, perhaps while I'm gone Ben can help you with your training?"

"You really think that's a good idea?" Rey asked.

"Absolutely! Ben was very skilled while at my academy. I'm sure there is much that he could teach you."

His uncle turned to speak to him.

"However, I will need to confiscate your lightsaber while I'm gone."

"Kriff, Uncle, if I wanted to kill Rey I would have left her to drown," he replied.

"Just a precaution Ben. Now, hand it over."

Kylo sighed but relented. He unclipped his saber from his belt and gave it to him.

"Anyway, I should be on my way. Please try not to kill each other while I'm gone."

***

He had asked Rey to meet him in the clearing at the top of the stairs after meditation. He was finally going to have the chance to teach her. He wrung his hands nervously as he waited with bated breath.

She arrived looking as beautiful as ever, and he suddenly thought how difficult this was going to be. He wanted to make a good impression. She came to stand in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.

"So, _Master_ , what are you going to teach me?"

She said it sarcastically, but he wondered if she knew that he liked the sound of her calling him Master. Maybe he could get her to call him that in other situations. He smirked to himself before gesturing for her to come closer.

"Stand in front of me, Padawan."

She rolled her eyes but eventually took her place in front of him, he closed the distance so his chest was flush against her back. He felt her little intake of breath at the contact.

"Now," he whispered in her ear. "Reach out your hand and try to lift that boulder over there."

She dropped her hand and sighed. “Luke had me lifting pebbles and I could hardly do that, what makes you think I can do this?"

"You _can_ do this," he offered as he placed his hand on top of hers. He traced her fingers with his own and then flexed her hand so she was holding her palm facing out. He smoothed his hand up her arm and across her collarbone.

"Feel it here," he told her as he took the hand from her collarbone and placed it flat against her pelvis pulling her against him. His fingers were splayed against her abdomen. He could feel every breath she took, each exhale against his palm. He took his other hand to brush the hair over her shoulder and away from her neck.

He nuzzled her neck while whispering words of encouragement in her ear. His lips brushed against her neck, feather light. Her eyes were closed and she relaxed against him.

"Now, pull from within. Feel the Force flow through your body. Don't try to lift the boulder, feel the Force surrounding it and concentrate on manipulating those threads."

He took the hand that was smoothing her hair and placed it on her shoulder squeezing gently in encouragement.

"Ben, this isn't working. I don't feel any-"

"Open your eyes Rey."

He watched as she opened her hazel eyes to the sight of the boulder floating five feet into the air.

"You're doing that," she accused.

"I most certainly am not. This is all you. Look at how powerful you are."

She held the boulder in the air for a few more minutes before letting it slam to the ground. She turned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a tight embrace. He gathered her up into his arms. Oh he could get used to this. Feeling her lithe body flush against him. Her breasts pressed deliciously against his chest.

Suddenly he was assaulted with an all too familiar searing pain in his head. He collapsed to the ground holding his head. No, no. He had him blocked. He gritted his teeth in agony at the pressure behind his eyes causing his vision to blur.

He heard the voice, the one that lived inside him, buried in the deepest parts of his mind. The voice from his nightmares, the voice of his former Master.

"Kylo Ren, you dare to defy me."

"No, no, no," he yelled. Shut him out. Lock him out. Push him out.

He felt the press of tiny hands gripping his face. Her hazel eyes entrancing and calling to him.

"I'm here, look at me Ben."

He concentrated on her face, her light that shined and cast out the darkness lurking inside of him. Snoke's voice began yelling at him in rapid speed.

"All for what? The scavenger girl? I should have known you were nothing but a weak little boy who longed to be loved. She will never love you, just like your family doesn't love you. I was the only one that cared for you, Kylo Ren. Come back to me. Come back and I will forgive you for this treason. She doesn't love you, she could never love a monster. Come back to your rightful place."

"LIAR," he screamed as he slammed the connection closed. He fell forward into Rey's arms. His head laid across her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He was breathing erratically and his heart was pounding in his chest.

"I've got you, I've got you," she said.

***

"We need to talk to Luke about Snoke when he gets back," she offered.

She was leading him towards the fresh water pond that she used to bathe in.

"Yeah, he'll probably send me away. Wouldn't want to unknowingly lead Snoke here." He sulked as they approached the gently lapping water.

"Oh please," she continued. "Luke loves you, he won't let you go anywhere now that he has you back."

She started stripping her clothes and he stared at her in shock. She was down to her breast wrap and underthings.

"What?"

"No, no complaints here," he told her with a smirk on his face. He began to strip his own clothing leaving him in his tight black undershorts. Her eyes took in his toned stomach and chest. That's right, he thought. Two can play at this game.

She wadded knee deep into the water. He could feel a nervous energy rolling off of her in waves.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded and replied, "Yeah, it's just- you know I don't know how to swim. So I always get a little nervous when I come here."

"I can teach you. You really should know how to swim when you live on an island."

She seemed to deliberate in whether she wanted his assistance or not. She eventually nodded her approval. He splashed through the shallows until the water was up to his waist.

"Come here Rey."

She made her way over to him, the water reaching just under her ribcage. Her hands shot out to grip his biceps roughly, fingernails biting into his muscles. Kylo let his arms settle around her waist.

"Relax Rey, I've got you."

She relaxed in his arms loosening her grip ever so slightly. He circled his thumbs over the jut of her hips in reassurance.

"Okay, lie on your stomach in the water. Don't be afraid, I have you."

Oh this was a bad idea. Rey was in his arms going through the motions. Each toned arm lifting and descending into the water after the next. His fingers were digging bruises into her taut stomach, and he couldn't take his eyes off of her round perfect bottom. He felt himself starting to react. It was to be expected honestly, he was attracted to Rey. He wanted her, but now was not the time for his dick to make an entrance.

Think about something else. Master Yoda, yes perfect. Or that Gungan Luke told him stories about when he was little. What was his name? Jar Jar? Or, or, Jabba the Hutt. An image of his mother choking Jabba came to his mind. And yes, that would do it. His mother in a slave bikini was now seared into his brain. He silently thanked his father for sending him that holo while he was at Luke's academy. It was labeled "hot chick in a bikini." His father thought it was hilarious.

"Why are you thinking about your mom in a bikini?"

"What? No!"

He dropped her into the water before regaining his grip on her. His face burned with embarrassment. She was giggling at him as she splashed him with water.

"I caught all of that Ben, even the part about my perfect ass."

"You little minx."

Kylo threw her over his shoulder as he walked out of the water giving her 'perfect ass' a little slap on his way.

She gasped and beat his back playfully. Once they were back on the shore he grabbed their clothes and slung them across his shoulder while sweeping his wet hair out of his eyes. Rey smirked at him and walked ahead towards the huts.

"I'm going to change into some dry clothes. Meet me at the fire pit and we can prepare lunch together."

Together. He liked the sound of that.

***

They ate in a comfortable silence. Dehydrated rations weren't the most appetizing of meals, however they served their purpose. Rey licked her fingers clean letting one finger release from her mouth with a pop. She must know how arousing she is when she does that.

"Can I ask you something?"

She looked at him with a glint in her eyes but a her face didn't offer a smile.

"Um sure," he replied.

"Luke told me about the academy. About what happened. But I have a feeling he didn't tell me everything. I would just like to have your side of the story. If you are okay with sharing that."

He'd never told anyone about what happened. Now seemed like the right time to get it off his chest, and he certainly had the right person here that he wanted to share this with.

"I was 23 when it all happened. All the other padawans hated me. I don't know if it was jealousy, just a bad feeling, or if it was my own fault for being so closed off. But they hated me, regardless. I kept to myself, tried to ignore the voice inside my head."

"How long was he in your head," she asked.

"As long as I can remember. At least since I was six standard years old. Anyway, I grew up learning about my grandfather, the great Jedi knight Anakin Skywalker. He was the chosen one, and he was to bring balance to the Force. However, he was murdered in the Jedi massacre by the great Sith Lord.

"Darth Vader," Rey offered.

"Yes, at least that's what I was always told. It turned out that all of those were lies. One day we got notice of some breaking news from the senate. One of the padawans turned on the Holonet. On the screen was a man that worked with my mother, Ransolm Casterfo. He made claims that my mother was the daughter of Darth Vader. I didn't believe it at first, this was just some fool trying to take my mother down. My mother was running for First senator. He had a recording, a possession of hers given to her by her adoptive father, Bail Organa. He explained to my mother in the recording that her birth father had become Darth Vader."

"Wait, you mean to tell me that the sassy little drama queen disguised as a ghost is Darth Vader?"

"Believe me Rey, no one is more surprised about that than me. And can you believe that Snoke pretended to be my grandfather to lure me to the dark side? Well it worked. I was so gullible."

Rey grabbed his hands and brushed her thumb along his knuckles.

"Luke's students found out about Darth Vader being my grandfather. They accused me of being a Sith. They started beating me. Telling me that I had it coming, I was scum and no wonder I was so closed off because I was a traitor. I fought back. I tried to get them to listen, but they weren't having any of it. They got more aggressive and more violent. It got to the point where it was either them or me, and I chose myself. I was overcome with darkness, and I... well I'm sure you can imagine what happened. I fought a few of them off, killed a few of them in the process.

“Once I was able to get away, the voice inside my head spoke to me. He promised to help me, he told me that my grandfather was a great Sith Lord and he wouldn't stand for this. Snoke had an army. I let down the shields for them. They came and destroyed everything. Snoke approached me and asked for me to leave with him. I refused. I needed to talk to Luke, I needed to know if he had known about my grandfather and what that meant for us. Snoke told me he would be waiting for me when my family cast me aside.

Luke came back and saw the destruction. I tried to explain, I tried to apologize. He wouldn't listen, so I left. I didn't have anywhere to go. That's the first time I heard my grandfather's voice. He told me to embrace the dark side. That my destiny was to finish what he started. Bringing balance to the Force by becoming powerful. He told me to seek out Snoke. So I did. And only just a few days ago did I find out that it was Snoke the entire time. It was never my grandfather."

Rey clutched his head to her chest and drug her fingers through his hair.

"He preyed on you. You were just a little boy, and he manipulated you. You never stood a chance with a monster like that living inside of you. Waiting for the right moment to strike. I'm so sorry Ben."

"I'm not without fault Rey."

He thought of his father, how would he ever atone for that? What would his mother say?

Rey didn't say anything as she continued to stroke her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes as tears fell down his cheeks. Letting himself mourn for the first time. Guilt gnawed away at his stomach. No matter what, his father's death was by his hand. And he would have to live with that for the rest of his life.

***

She had held him as he broke down. He didn't want her to see him so weak. That was twice in one day that she had witnessed his vulnerability.

He had left her to her thoughts as he sought solitude.

He didn't want to seem pathetic in her eyes; he needed to prove to her that he is a powerful man worthy of her attention. But how?

The sun was starting to set, it was a beautiful sight really. The deep blue and pink swirls across the sky and shimmering in the water. He was sure Rey loved these rich colors.

What could he do or say to prove to Rey that he is worthwhile?

Then he remembered, how could he have forgotten? He called out to her over the Force bond.

Moments later she approached him with curiosity. Kylo stood looking out over the ocean with his hands clasped behind his back.

"I asked you here because I have a gift of sorts for you. More of a testament of my good faith. Rey, I hope you know I would do anything for you. You are very special to be my starlight. I want you to know that with me, you will want for nothing. No one will hurt you."

She furrowed her brow at him and remained silent.

He continued, "While I was on Jakku, I met the vile creature that tormented you. You were just a child, and he took advantage of that. I want you to know, starlight..." he grasped her hands in his, "I killed him, for you."

She gasped loudly before yelling, "What in gods names were you thinking?"

"Wait. What? I was defending your honor of course."

"Kriffing hells, Kylo Ren."

Oh this wasn't good. She hadn't called him Kylo since he arrived on Ahch-To.

"Maker, you can't just kill anyone that is mean to me."

She was seething. But didn't she see? Didn't see understand that that's exactly what he could do? _Would do?_

"You will not hurt again Rey, I will make sure of that."

"No you very well will not! I don't need your protection. I can take care of myself, I have _always_ taken care of myself. I can't take this right now. I'm going to bed, don't even think about following me, and I suggest you stay away from me until Luke gets back."

This was not going according to plan. She was supposed to be pleased.

"Wait, Rey. Please," he grabbed at her arm.

"No, Kylo. Don't touch me. You can't just kill people for me and expect me to be okay with that. Please, just leave me alone."

She stormed off down the stairs towards the huts. Well kriff, he really blew it this time. Now she was back to ignoring his existence.

Kylo crossed his arms across his chest and sighed. He turned to head back to his own hut when he heard a voice.

"Tsk tsk. Shoulda brought flowers."

His grandfather was leaning against a tree with a smirk on his face.

"Shut up, ghost," Kylo scoffed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta'd by Perry Downing! Thank you Perry!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo both take time to reflect on their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait. I hope you like this chapter.

_Never go to bed angry._ That's what Luke had told her. _Meditate, let go of those emotions._ What was that chant he always recited? _I am one with the Force, the Force is with me._

She really needed to remember that right now. She needed to meditate, to diminish the anger that was currently coursing through her veins.

Why? Because Kylo Ren was an idiot. An impulsive idiot. An idiot that thought killing Plutt of all people would put him in her good graces. What kind of delusional world did he live in? She honestly couldn't care less about Plutt’s miserable life, but being the reason behind his senseless murder didn't sit right with her. Would he kill anyone that displayed animosity towards her? Yes, yes he would. Because he's Kylo Ren and he's an idiot.

An attractive idiot, an idiot she flirted with. What was wrong with her? Just because he has an eight pack and nice shoulders doesn't mean she feels anything for him. No, she could never feel something for Kylo Ren.

Even if his lips were made to be kissed. Not that she would know anything about kissing. Life on Jakku was strictly about survival. She didn't have time for such trivial things.

Oh he was infuriating, making her feel this way about him. She grabbed her staff from the corner of her hut. Maybe a little training before going to bed would clear her mind.

 _Don't follow me._ She pushed across the bond. She felt his indignation before he slammed the bond closed on his side. So he was upset with her as well. Good, she didn't want to see him.

She treaded up to the clearing overlooking the ocean. She started with some basic lightsaber forms. Luke had reluctantly accepted the Skywalker saber, so in return she used her staff. She was more confident and comfortable with the staff. The most simple form, Shii-Cho, was the only one she had become familiar with. Luke hadn't started teaching her the lightsaber forms yet. He mentioned that eventually she would need to make her own lightsaber. If she were honest with herself she would admit that she couldn't wait to build her own saber. She wondered what planet she would be sent to in order to find her kyber crystal. What color would the saber end up being? There were so many possibilities.

She began working up a sweat, which was great because she wasn't thinking about _him_. Except now her thoughts were drifting to him again. She huffed in frustration before hurling her staff at the tree beside her.

“You have a lot of anger.”

Rey jumped in a defensive stance before she realized who had spoken.

“Oh it's you,” she replied to the man that was once the fearsome Darth Vader.

“Now is that anyway to talk to your future grandfather-in-law.”

Rey scoffed, “Are you mental?”

“Aw come on Rey, he means well. He really, really likes you.”

She could not believe this was her life, arguing with a Force ghost over her relationship status.

“Well that's great for him.”

He smirked before replying, “Rey, have you forgotten that he saved your life? Have you thought about the possibility that he is getting better? He needs your support right now. You can be mad, upset even for the stupid thing he did. However, you have to realize… in his mind he was doing what he thought was right. In his mind, killing Plutt wasn't senseless.”

Rage swelled up inside her chest.

“I hardly see how your judgement is valid, Vader.”

He chuckled at her, no he was outright laughing at her. Bent over at the waist and slapping his knee.

“What is so funny about that?”

“Oh it's nothing really,” he laughed again. “It's just, you sound just like Ben.”

Annoyed with the man laughing at her… no not man, ghost-- she pushed past him to retrieve her staff. She wiped the sweat from her forehead before heading down the stone stairs.

“You know I told him he should have just gotten you flowers.”

Rey stumbled on the stairs trying to regain her balance.

“Can you please stop that.”

He quirked his head like a puppy, “Stop what?”

“Popping up out of nowhere.”

“Hmm,” he grabbed his chin as if in thought. “I'll tell you what, I will leave you alone if you promise me something.”

Rey didn't like the sound of this yet she nodded for him to continue.

“Just, give the boy a chance. Please? It's not only about his obvious feelings for you. There is more, your destinies are intertwined. You and Ben are two disparate pieces that are destined to come together. The two of you will do what I failed to do; you will bring balance to the Force.”

Rey suddenly felt overwhelmed. What was he suggesting? She could not be that important; she was a nobody, a scavenger, only ever just Rey. No, he was wrong.

“I don't want any part of this, you're wrong.”

She ran down the stairs and straight into her hut. Rey threw herself on her cot as she tried to even out her breathing. She felt a sense of worry nudging gently across the bond before it dissipated.

Her thoughts drifted to the memories she had as a child. She remembered her mother styling her hair in the three little buns lined down the back of her head. An image of her father smiling down at her as he gave her a flower he found in the backyard. The worried glances and panicked expressions on the day she was left on Jakku. What happened to them? Why would they throw her away like trash? Why didn't they want her?

She buried her face in her pillow as she willed herself to go to sleep. It was useless to wonder about what happened to them. They were never coming back.

***

Kylo's hands gripped the edge of the stone hut that Rey occupied; he had felt her distress over the bond. It was a sharp and painful sensation in his heart. His fingers turned white from the intensity of his grasp on the stone wall. His fingers bled from the sharp edges biting into his fingertips. He didn't care; the pain leveled him.

Her loneliness assaulted him. A feeling that was all too familiar. He remembered himself as a child sitting on his bed crying into his knees. The shadow man grasping his shoulders and encircling his heart with darkness. The torments he fought so hard against. His light shining brightly, trying to break free from the shrouding darkness. The whispers, the accusations, his fear. _Unlovable. Disappointment. Monster._

He wondered what could have possibly set her off. What put her on edge this time? She wasn't speaking to him so he knew it wasn't something he had done, this time at least.

He took the steps to the clearing at the top and sat down with his legs crossed. Kylo looked up into the night sky marveling at the constellation of stars shining brightly down on him. The starlight, the light in the endless expanse of darkness. Just like _his_ starlight, his Rey. The light to his darkness.

He heard a rustling sound and immediately turned to look. It was his grandfather settling down beside him.

“Do you know why she's upset?” He asked his grandfather.

“There's a possibility that I might have told her that the two of you would bring balance to the Force and the Galaxy depends on the two of you working together. And also to give you a chance because she will be my granddaughter one day.”

Kylo clutched his forehead with both of his hands.

“What in the Galaxy is wrong with you?”

His grandfather shrugged.

“Listen, I don't need your help with Rey. I was doing just fine. We had a very nice training session and swim lesson. Now in regards to bringing balance to the Force, how do you propose we do that?”

“Ah, so you are interested. It's simple really. You both pull from the dark and the light side of the Force. Balance isn't being on one side or the other, balance is using both. You will never be all dark and she will never be all light. You will be in more of a morally grey area.”

Kylo took a moment to take all of that information in. What his grandfather was saying did make sense. Kylo himself always felt torn apart from the struggle between the dark side and the light. Perhaps this way he would feel balanced.

“What does Luke have to say about this?”

Anakin visibly grimaced.

“What, you haven't told him your theory?”

“Well…. no. However, I believe he will embrace the idea.”

“Hm, alright. I'll leave that to you. Now, if you don't mind. I'd like some time alone.”

His grandfather nodded before vanishing.

Kylo let out a sigh of relief. It had been one kriffing long day. Luke wasn't due back for another day or two. He wondered if Rey would talk to him tomorrow; she had told him not to speak to her until Luke came back. Was she serious about that though? Would she forgive him?

He thought about what his grandfather had said. Could they possible use both sides of the Force? Could he use elements of the dark side without falling? He certainly hoped that would be the case. Same for Rey as well, he never wanted her to lose her light.

Kylo pulled himself off the ground to start his journey down the stairs and back to his hut. He stopped in front of Rey’s. He gave a gentle nudge across the bond. She was sleeping peacefully and Kylo was happy for it. He sent a little message across the bond. _I'm sorry, please forgive me. Sleep well starlight._

He didn't know if she received the message or not. He would apologize to her once more in person; the next time she willingly speaks to him. He sighed as he made his way into his hut. He crawled under the covers of his cot and attempted to sleep.

***

It was many hours later when he finally fell unconscious. His nightmares returned. His former master pointed a bony hand to his forehead, an intense pain spread throughout his body.

“Such a disappointment,” Snoke bellowed. “I had such high hopes for you. You were my personal project; so loyal and diligent. And you threw it all away for a solitary scavenger. I should have her _killed_.”

Snoke wrapped the Force around his neck squeezing with the full intensity of his power.

“No, no,” Kylo rasped out, “Please, anything. Anything, just don't hurt her.”

Snoke dropped him from the Force hold; he collapsed to the ground slamming his knees on the stone beneath him.

“You are not here to make negotiations _Kylo_ _Ren_. You forfeited that right when you left my tutelage.”

He shook his head, pleading with Snoke.

“Anything, I'll do anything. Please, she has to live. Kill me, kill me instead. Kill me.”

Snoke sneered at him as he replied.

“How disgusting. You would give your life for hers? Even though she could never love you? You, the monster that killed her father figure. The man that tortured and maimed her friends. You mean nothing to her and you would willingly die for her? How idiotic. It's unfortunate really. I can see how much you care about her, your compassion. What a shame that she will never feel that for you. Always the lonely boy that could never be loved. I see that hasn't changed.”

Oh how it hurt. Kylo's eyes strung with the tears that were threatening to fall. He refused to give Snoke that satisfaction.

He was shaken awake by tiny hands and a voice calling out his name.

“Ben, Ben, wake up. Please wake up.”

His eyes fluttered open as he took in her soft face. Rey was here, she had come to him.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Rey.”

She furrowed her brow.

“What? That can wait, you were having a nightmare. I felt your fear. It was as if you were calling out to me.”

He opened his mouth to explain when he felt it; a Force signature he hadn't felt in many years. _Mother_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, mama Leia makes an appearance.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia arrives on Ahch-To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but I think you'll like the end.

Kylo hadn't felt his mother's presence in such a long time. It was like a blinding light shining in his eyes. He wasn't ready, he couldn't see her. Not after what he did. Not after-- no he could not. He would not.

He jumped up from the cot and pushed past Rey. He could feel her eyes burning into the back of his head. He didn't have time for this, not now. His heart was beating out of his chest and he felt as if he would pass out at any moment.

He didn't need this, why was she here? To kill him herself? He wouldn't blame her. He felt another presence, it was Luke. So he had gone to get his mother. Was the supply run a rouse this whole time?

Kylo ran down the stairs and descended down the rocky edge of the peak. His feet slipped as he made his way down to the beach below. He sat in the sand and watched the waves crash against the shore.

He closed his eyes and began to meditate. If anything, when he does see his mother, he will need to be centered and calm. He breathed in as he felt the Force swirling around him.

***

The coward. The kriffing coward. How could he just run away. What could possibly have scared him that badly. Rey walked out of the hut to watch as the ship landed in the distance. Luke dropped the ramp and reached his hand out to grab hold of someone else. Who was it? She reached out and felt the Force, then she knew. She knew why he had run. _Leia_.

Luke helped Leia walk up the stone steps making their way towards the huts.

“You don't have to help me Luke, I can manage on my own.”

Leia looked up and met Rey’s eyes. Leia’s eyes looked at her with love and longing. She approached Rey and wrapped her up in a tight embrace.

“He's here?”

“Yes,” Rey replied. “He's at the beach, meditating. I'm sure he will come up when he's ready.”

“Very well,” Leia said.

She looped her arm through Rey’s and walked with her over to the fire pit. They sat down next to each other as Luke made his way back to the ship bringing in the supplies he had acquired.

“So what is he like now? Please, it's just been so long.”

Rey was still upset with him over his carelessness. Leia deserved to know the truth. He wasn't her _Ben_ anymore. Maybe he wasn't fully _Kylo Ren_ , but he wasn't Ben either.

“Well, he willingly left the First Order, that was all his own decision. However, he is still a murderer though.”

Rey crossed her arms and set her jaw. Leia grabbed her upper arms and gave her a sad look.

“Rey, I know this will be hard to understand. But I truly believe he is trying to change. We have to be patient with him.”

Rey’s anger flared.

“You want me to be patient, when he will kill anyone that even looks at me the wrong way? I can't do that, I can't allow that kind of behavior.”

Leia furrowed her brow, “He would kill anyone that looks at you the wrong way? Rey… what aren't you telling me?”

She sighed as she held her hands over her face.

“Your son, he cares for me. We share a Force bond.”

“He loves you?”

“I don't know about that, but he cares deeply about me. I'm not sure if I can return those feelings. He's a murderer. He killed a man for treating me badly in the past. What kind of chivalry is he trying to convey?”

“He's trying the only way he knows how. Rey, there is something you should know. I haven't told anyone this. Not Ben, not Luke, not even Han. It is something that I've kept hidden deep in my chest. But I think it's time that someone knows.”

Rey’s eyes widened.

“What is it?”

Leia took a deep breath before responding.

“When I was pregnant with Ben, a dark presence targeted him while he was still in utero. I know now that it was Snoke. Ben was a fighter, he fought against Snoke while in the womb, I could feel Ben’s distress. For a while I was able to protect him, making the presence disappear from time to time. Making his nightmares go away, but they never gone away completely. Han had no idea. I didn't want to worry him, I thought I had it under control. Every time that I left Ben for one of my political meetings, well-- that was when Snoke would target him. He never had a chance Rey, and we all failed him. I sent him away to Luke in the hopes that he could help. Even Luke couldn't save him.”

Rey’s heart hurt, it shattered with the realization. He had fought this for over 20 years. He never stopped fighting-- that is, until he learned of his grandfather. He was isolated by his peers and they targeted him too.

She wanted to kill Snoke for what he had done to Kylo. Not only did he torture him to teach him lessons, he preyed on him. He abused and groomed him from birth.

How could she have been so cold? She knew he had been tortured, she knew he was confused and lonely. Rey was still upset about Kylo killing in her honor, but wasn't she acting in the same way? However, Snoke was deserving for whatever came to him.

She needed to go to Kylo. She needed to talk to him. She needed to see him, feel him.

“I'm so sorry, Leia, you'll have to excuse me.”

Rey jumped up from her position and reached out over their bond to locate Kylo. He was still meditating on the beach. She felt anxious, she needed to get to him. She hurried down the cliffside, careful not to fall on the way down.

She saw him sitting in the sand, his legs crossed and his hands facing palm up on his knees, his eyes closed tightly. He looked-- peaceful. He must have been in a deep meditation because he didn't sense her presence.

“Kylo,” she said.

He opened an eye to stare at her.

“Hello Rey,” he replied.

He closed his eye again and went back to meditating. Rey felt her anxiety swirl in the pit of her stomach. Suddenly Kylo stood up and grabbed her waist.

“What's wrong? Are you hurt?”

She looked at him with confusion.

“What? No? Why would you think that?”

“I can feel your distress Rey, what's wrong?”

She looked into his eyes, those big brown eyes. They were looking at her with worry. This man who hardly cared for anyone in the galaxy, yet he cared about her.

“Snoke targeted you in utero. You fought him off for so long. I had no idea, I didn't know.”

“What? How do you know this? Was it my mother? She knew, all this time?”

“No, no, please. Don't be upset with her. She feels awful.”

He turned to walk further down the beach, kicking sand as he went. _So dramatic._

“Wait, Kylo.”

He didn't respond.

“Ben, wait.”

That name stopped him in his tracks. He turned slowly to look at her. Rey had a sudden urge, one she knew he wouldn't be opposed to. She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down until her lips collided with his.

The kiss was quick, she pulled away and noticed the blush spreading across his cheeks. That had been her first kiss, and it was over far too quickly.

“It was mine too,” he admitted.

“What?”

“I said, it was my first kiss too.”

She hadn't even realized he was in her mind. He took one arm and grabbed her around the waist pulling her against his chest. The other hand cupped her cheek as he kissed her.

She felt his tongue, swiping against her lip. She opened her mouth and he took advantage of that, licking the seam of her mouth. His tongue was warm and wet, he tasted like iron, and something that was just _Ben_.

The hand on her cheek moved to cup the back of her head. His fingers intertwining in her hair. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth and nipped it playfully.

When he pulled back she noticed his lips were red and swollen, she figured hers looked much the same. She pulled him down for another quick kiss.

“Are you ready to see your mom?”

“I don't think I'll ever truly be ready,” he replied.

She held his hand as she led the way back up the cliffside.

***

Rey had kissed him, she had actually initiated a kiss. Kylo couldn't believe his luck. He followed behind with his fingers interlaced with hers.

She released his hand to start climbed up the cliffside. He followed behind her dutifully. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the glowing image of his grandfather. Kylo looked back out of curiosity. There, his grandfather stood with a smirk on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. Then he raised a hand to give him a ‘thumbs up.’

Rolling his eyes, Kylo turned back to watch Rey’s backside as she climbed the cliff in front of him. Rey seemed to have forgiven him, perhaps his mother's presence wasn't such a bad thing after all. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Leia finally see each other for the first time in years. 
> 
> Luke tells Kylo and Rey his plans for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. Writers block and such. 
> 
> But TLJ trailer reinvigorated me! I live....

The walk back to the stone huts was filled with a comfortable silence. Kylo wasn't ready to face his mother. How could she ever forgive him for what he had done? Luke was one thing, his mother was entirely different. Luke blames himself, Kylo realized that now. He feels responsible for Kylo's fall. Perhaps if things had been handled differently, maybe he wouldn't have turned to Snoke. Maybe he would have been able to block out the whispers and the nightmares. But his mother, he had killed her husband. Her one true love. His own father. There was no way she would be able to forgive him for that. It was an unforgivable act, one that he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

Rey turned her head to look back at him. She reached her hand out and interlaced their fingers. Kylo felt their bond pulse and warm from the contact. The nervousness and apprehension that was settling into his gut seemed to subside. It was as if Rey’s Force signature willed away his uneasiness.

Once they reached the top of the island, he saw his uncle speaking to his mother. She was still as tiny as he had remembered, yet she had aged significantly in the years he had missed out. His heart pulled at the realization that he had missed out on so much of her life. First he was away with Luke, then he left to join Snoke. A mistake that only made him feel even more conflicted and torn apart.

His mother turned when she heard their approaching footsteps. When her warm brown eyes met his, he saw in them a combination of feelings. He felt each of her emotions wash over him like a tidal wave. _Sadness. Regret. Grief. Distress._ But there was one that shined through brightly. _Hope_.

He walked to her side, his eyes downcast in shame. He couldn’t meet those eyes. The eyes of his mother. Rey was still clutching his hand in hers. She squeezed lightly in reassurance. That’s when he heard his mother’s voice for the first time in years.

“Ben,” she sounded broken. Her voice cracking as she continued. “Please look at me.”

He met her eyes, they were filled with unshed tears. He felt her love pushing towards him, surrounding him and sinking into his bones. Kylo was confused. How could she love him? A murderer?

She reached forward and lightly clutched his cheek, the same one that his father had touched when he had forgiven Kylo in his last moments of life. He gave her a weak smile.

“Mother.”

She launched herself forward and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Oh Ben, forgive me.”

Forgive him? For what?

He pushed her back enough to look into her face, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“What?” he began.

“I failed you, I couldn’t save you from _him_. That creature. He set his eyes on you from the very beginning. I didn’t protect you. This is all my own fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said. Tears streaking his cheeks. “I’m responsible for my own mistakes. I’m responsible for hurting you in the worst way. I was the one that--”

He couldn’t bring himself to say it, his heart clenched tightly in his chest. It felt like shattered glass. A million fragments cutting him deeply. Kylo took a few deep breaths. He knew what he needed to say.

“I’m sorry, mother.”

He leaned over at the awkward level to lay his head on her shoulder and wept. She still smelled the same, that familiar scent of _home_. Her hands rubbed up and down his back as his body shook with his sobs.

They held each other by the fire for what felt like an eternity. Once they had both regained their composure, they sat across from each other by the fire. Rey moved beside Kylo and grabbed his hand. Leia eyed them and smiled knowingly.

Luke came over with some soup he had made and passed out bowls to the three of them.

“Leia, I am glad that you offered to come with me back here. We have much to discuss. What we need to discuss involves both of you,” he continued as he pointed to Rey and Kylo with his spoon. “Kylo, I know my father has been visiting you. He told me something interesting this afternoon. Something that I have been researching in my time alone on this island. A long time ago there were a group of Force users that pulled from both the light and the dark sides of the Force. They were known as the Gray Jedi. I think, that the three of us could form something similar. Our own designation.”

He paused to take a spoonful of his soup.

“Both of you, close your eyes and breath. Connect through the bond and tell me what you feel.”

Kylo reached across the bond and felt Rey’s signature. It was a bright light, warming his insides.

“Light,” he whispered.

“Darkness,” Rey said. She had probed into the recesses of his heart. The hidden shadows, the years and years of torture and torment. He would always be damaged, broken, and dark.

“That is good,” Luke replied, “And what else do you feel?”

They both concentrated. Kylo took his hand and traced his fingertips along hers. Their Force signatures seemed to mingle and wrap around each other, swirling with the shards of light and the shadowy darkness. It formed a gray medium.

“The balance,” they said in unison.

“Yes,” Luke said. “The balance is the answer. The balance is the key to it all. The gray, not light or dark. By pulling from both sides of the Force, Ben, you will be truly at peace. And for the first time, we will find the true balance in the Force.”

“Where do we start, how do we do this?” Rey asked.

“Well, Rey, you need to make yourself a lightsaber of your own. And Ben, you need a more stable saber. So I am sending you on your own mission to find your kyber crystals.”

“What planet,” Kylo asked.

Luke smiled. “Ilum.”

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow morning, I suggest you get some rest. I need to speak with my sister about what this means for the resistance, this new order of the Force. We will not be known as Jedi any longer. It is time for the Jedi to end.”

Kylo stood up and walked over to his uncle. He gave the man a quick one armed hug. This man that he had grown up with was actually taking the strides to help him. To give him balance. Kylo could hardly believe it. He then turned to his mother. Kylo walked over gave her a meaningful hug.

“Will you be here when Rey and I return?”

“I’m not sure Ben, but you can always comm me. I will come whenever you need. All you have to do is ask. I will stay for a while to converse with Luke. We need to make a plan to defeat Snoke. That’s our biggest priority right now.”

“Yes, it is,” he agreed.

Kylo made his way down to the huts, listening to the light patter of Rey’s feet on the stones behind him.

“Kylo, wait.”

He turned and couldn’t hide the smile from his face.

“Um, you can call me Ben. If you want,” he said with a small smirk.

“Okay Ben. How are you feeling about all of this?”

“It’s like, for the first time, I feel free. Luke is finally helping me. When I was a child it was all rules and regulations. I never fit into those guidelines. I was different. But now, this is for me. He is helping me to find my own balance in the Force. I won’t feel torn apart any longer.”

“I’m so happy for you Ben, well for us. We are going to do this together,” she smiled brightly at him.

He looked down at the beautiful woman standing before him. The woman he had visions of while he was being tortured and manipulated. There was always this strong woman with the three buns lining the back of her head, helping him to pull through and to not give up. Rey wasn’t aware, but these visions or premonitions. They helped him to survive the Snoke’s cruelest punishments.

She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. Ben, for he was truly _Ben_ now; pulled her against his chest and deepened the kiss. His tongue pressed into her mouth, they were both still so new to this. Intimacy and _kissing_. He liked it, he liked kissing Rey. Their tongues glided against each other; tasting and licking into each others mouths.

Rey broke away first, panting for breath. Her gorgeous pink lips were swollen from his attentions. He leaned forward to kiss her again when she pressed a finger to his full lips. He kissed her finger and let to tip of his tongue dart out and lick the pad of her fingertip.

“We will have plenty of time for that later,” she mused. “But for now, we need to rest.”

“Of course Rey.”

“Goodnight Ben, I’ll see you in the morning.”

She pushed past him and walked to her hut. Ben felt her warm Force signature surrounding him. He felt calm and loved. Ben had the support of his mother and his uncle, and a connection to the woman he saw himself spending the rest of his life with.

He was so close to finding his place and his happiness. The first step was Ilum.

Ben walked into his hut and flopped onto the cot. He felt the whisper in his mind, begging for entrance. With Rey’s Force signature he was able to block Snoke’s advances. And before too long they would end him for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, TLJ trailer and poster. Amiright? 
> 
> Reylo is canon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey say their goodbyes as they leave for Ilum.

The next morning, Kylo packed a sack with some essentials and a few of his uncle’s gray ponchos that he always seemed to have on hand. Ilum would be cold, being that it is a snowy climate. He worried about how Rey would adjust to the climate after first living on a desert planet for years, then being chilled to the bone on Ahch-To with it’s mild and rainy weather. He would have to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn’t succumb to hypothermia.

Kylo slung the sack over his shoulder and met up with Rey by the firepit. Luke was handing her a bag of miscellaneous saber parts that he had collected over the years. This brought back memories of Kylo as a young boy, travelling with his uncle, searching for old Jedi lore and collecting different parts and holocrons throughout their travels.

He placed a hand on Rey’s lower back as he grabbed the bag from her hands and added it to the sack he was already carrying.

“I can carry my own bag, I’m not useless Ben.”

Before Kylo could respond his mother interrupted.

“He’s just being a gentleman Rey. I taught him well.”

Kylo could feel his cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“I’m just going to pack the Falcon with our things. Then I will come back to say bye to the two of you.”

His mother nodded as he pushed past carrying the sack on his shoulder.

Walking onto the Falcon caused his stomach to seize with anxiety. The last time he had been on the ship was when he was ten years old and his father took him on a smuggling run without his mother’s knowledge. Kylo began to feel lightheaded and grabbed onto the Dejarik table. His heart hurt. Would there ever come a day when he wasn’t overwhelmed with the guilt. He knew that he would never be able to forgive himself, yet the pain of what he had done assaulted him in every facet of his life. Not only had he hurt his father, but everybody close to him. He hurt his mother, Chewie, Luke. He had even hurt Rey in the process.

Tears began to slip out of his eyes at the memory of his father’s last words.

_Yes, anything._

Then the red saber igniting through his father’s chest. The look on his father’s face as he clutched his cheek. Then… the sting of the bowcaster shot. If only Chewie hadn’t have missed. If only he had shot him in the chest, where he surely had hoped to have hit him. Then he wouldn’t have to live with this regret.

“Stop thinking like that.”

He whipped his head around to see the ghost of his grandfather leaning against the wall.

“I can’t help it, everybody would be better off without me. I am nothing but a plague to all of them.”

Anakin smirked as he replied, “Us Skywalker’s really are dramatic. I didn’t believe it when I was living. But watching you-- we certainly are a dramatic bunch.”

“I’m being serious, ghost.”

“And so am I. Look out the window up there. What do you see?”

Kylo walked over to the cockpit. He looked out the circular window and saw his uncle and mother each embracing Rey at the top of the hill.

“If anybody needs you, it’s those three. You have to know that. It would kill your mother to lose you too.”

“But I killed her husband,” Kylo said as he wiped his cheeks.

“Yes, but you are her son. The love she holds for you matches no other. Now pull yourself together and go say goodbye.”

Kylo pushed past his grandfather and walked out of the ship and back up to the top of the hill.  
He walked over to Rey first, clutching her cheek in his hand as he rubbed his thumb under her eye.

“Everything is ready if you want to start preparations for the flight.”

“You want me to pilot?” she asked with a broad smile.

“Absolutely.”

She dashed down the hill and disappeared inside the Falcon. Kylo turned to his uncle and held out his hand in an awkward gesture of peace. Luke merely looked at his hand and enveloped Kylo in a hug. He relaxed into the hug and allowed his arms to wrap around his uncle. He would never get used to this.

“Take care of her Benny. And let her take of you.”

_Benny_. That was a name he hadn’t heard in a very long time. It made his cheeks turn pink.

“The trip shouldn’t take you an extraordinarily long time. If you find yourself in trouble, please comm me. The three of us need to train rigorously in order to take on Snoke. We can’t do that without both of you. So be very careful.”

“Of course Uncle Luke.”

Leia looked over to her twin and they seemed to be having a silent exchange. Kylo realized at that moment that the two of them had their own sort of Force bond. One where his mother had used to tell Luke to give them a moment, because his uncle walked off towards his hut. Kylo looked over to his mother and took in her face. She was still as beautiful as she had been when she was younger.

“I wish we had more time--” he began.

She silenced him with a hug. Her tiny body pulled him down to her level.

“I love you Ben, I always have and I always will. I knew there was still light in you. I knew you would come back to us.”

Kylo sobbed into her shoulder, unable to contain the emotions any longer.

“I’m so sorry… I can’t live with this… I can’t.”

“Yes you can, little bandit.”

That nickname, it was the one his father had given to him.

“Don’t let your father’s death be in vain. He died to bring you back. He wouldn’t want you to be living with all of this regret. He loved you until the very end, Ben. Now go. Make something of yourself, help that beautiful girl of yours, and come back to us.”

“She’s not mine.” _Oh how he wished that she was._

“Trust me son, I know there is something there. Just give it time.”

She pulled him down and kissed him on the cheek before sending him off. Kylo walked down the steps and gave the islands of Ahch-To one last look before boarding the ship. He made his way over to the co-pilot’s chair and sat himself down in place. He turned to see Rey’s bright sunny smile.

“Why the smile starlight?”

She giggled as she entered the coordinates for Ilum.

“Nothing Benny.”

“Wait-- how did you?”

“You were projecting.”

His cheeks flamed as he remembered the brief conversation with his mother.

“Did you-- did you hear all of it?”

“No, I closed off my side of the bond when I realized. I figured you would want your privacy to say goodbye to your family.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Thank you starlight.”

***

The ship hit hyperspace allowing Kylo and Rey to take some time to rest and eat a snack. Kylo walked over to the little kitchenette that his mother had installed so many years ago. He pulled out some fresh fruit that he knew Rey would love.

“Jogan fruit,” he said while extending the purple fruit.

“Thank you my dark prince.”

He eyed her questioningly, his brows furrowed in confusion at the endearment.

“Dark prince?”

She blushed as she giggled, “You call me your starlight. So I wanted to come up with a name for you.”

“So you came up with dark prince?”

She popped a piece of the fruit into her mouth, the juice rolling down her chin adorably. She chewed and swallowed the fruit before answering him.

“Well you do look like a dark prince. A beautiful dark prince. And your mother is the Princess of Alderaan. So that makes you a prince.”

Kylo leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, tasting the jogan fruit. He licked at the juice on her chin and the corners of her mouth before pulling away.

“I can be your dark prince.”

She turned her face away from him and laid a kiss on his neck.

“I’m going to take a nap Ben. Do you want to join me?”

He remembered the tiny bunk that could barely fit one person comfortably. She must have not realized that when she asked him to join.

“There’s only one bunk Rey, I can stay up for a while if you are tired.”

She grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards the bunk.

“I _know_ that there is only one bunk. But I assumed you would want to cuddle with me. Leia told me that you liked snuggles as a baby.”

“Oh did she?” Well he couldn’t really complain. If Rey wanted to snuggle with him while she napped, he certainly would.

They settled into the tiny bunk, her head against his chest and his arms encircling her in a warm embrace. She threw a leg over his hips and sighed contently. Within minutes her breathing evened out. Kylo brushed his hand through her hair soothingly as she slept on his shoulder. The warmth from her body and the gentle breaths against his chest made his own eyes begin to feel heavy. He slowly dozed off.

***

They arrived on Ilum in the middle of a rough ice storm. The landing was shaky at best. Rey looked out at the terrain with wonder, the only other time she had seen snow was on Starkiller, and that hadn’t been a time where she could enjoy and marvel at the climate.

Kylo pulled open the sack and retrieved the gray ponchos that Luke seemed to have a collection of. He approached Rey and took off his cowl placing it over her head and shoulders.

“It’s going to be very cold here, you’ll need the cowl to keep you warm. And here,” he said while putting the poncho over her shoulders, “compliments of my uncle.”

She looked adorable with his black hood peeking out under the layered poncho. He hoped it would be enough to keep her warm. It would be a long journey to the crystal caves.

“You won’t need it? To keep you warm?”

“No, I lived in the vacuum of space and then a brief stint on the frigid Starkiller Base. I will be just fine.”

He let down the hatch and grabbed hold of her hand. The icy breeze assaulted them both as they pushed through. He felt the ice beginning to cling to his hair. They would need to find some sort of shelter very soon.

Kylo pulled her closer into his chest as he walked through the storm. He could feel her shivering against his body. His beautiful desert flower wasn’t handling the weather very well.

Time seemed to stand still as they walked further into the ice storm. In the distance Kylo could make out the first of a series of caves. They could find shelter in one of the caves for the night before venturing further.

He pulled Rey along with him, he could hear her teeth chattering over the howl of the wind. He needed to get her warm quickly. The mouth of the cave opened up in front of them, only a few feet away from where they stood. Kylo pushed Rey into the shelter.

The cave itself barricaded them from the icy wind that swirled around outside. It was still freezing and their clothing was soaked from the ice and snow.

Kylo pulled the sack off of his shoulder and grabbed some leaves he had taken from Ahch-To. He ignited his lightsaber to burn the leaves and make a small fire.

“Come over here and warm yourself by the fire while I set up the bedrolls.”

She scooted closer to the fire, her lips were turning blue. Kylo needed to move quickly. He rolled out the two bedrolls and threw down some thin blankets.

“Take off your clothes.”

“Wait, what? No.” Rey said.

“No, not like that. We need to take off our wet clothes. Then we should lay down together. Our body heat will keep each other warm.”

He began shucking off his wet layers, laying them out on the cave floor to dry. Rey started to do the same until they were both standing in nothing but their underthings.

Rey made her way over to the bedrolls and scooted under the blankets. Kylo joined her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Your fingers are ice cold,” she whined.

“I'm sorry. So are your toes.”

He pulled her closer, her breasts pressed against his chest with nothing but the thin breast band separating their skin. Now was not the time to be turned on by an almost naked Rey. Even if he could see her hard nipples poking out of her breast band. Nope, he needed to get a hold of himself if he didn't want to have to explain why she was suddenly being poked in the hip by something. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Kylo adjusted himself until he was laying on his back. He looked into Rey’s face as she laid next to him. Her lips were returning to their normal pretty shade of pink.

“Hopefully the storm will pass, then the rest of the trip shouldn't be as treacherous.”

Her eyes began to close as she grabbed onto Kylo's hand.

“Thank you Benny.”

He rather liked hearing her call him that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. Leave me a comment to let me know what you think <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A kyber crystal is the heart of the lightsaber. And you possess my heart, so it is only fitting that you wear my crystal. Will you wear it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We begin to see some of the E rating in this chapter.

Kylo awoke to warm puffs of breath on his neck. Rey had somehow ended up laying completely on top of him. Her legs were situated on either side of his hips, causing her hot center to be pressed right against his hard on. Damn his male anatomy and the unfortunate morning wood that accompanied it. He slipped Rey slowly off of him, hoping by some miracle from the gods that she wouldn’t feel him poking her.

Her hazel eyes fluttered open at the loss of body heat. Kylo swiftly moved the blanket over his waist. He could feel the heat rising on his cheeks.

Rey rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms. Kylo couldn't help but watch as the blanket fell to her waist when she sat up. She was beautiful in the early morning light peeking through the cave. He scooted closer to her, his arm thrown over her shoulders. She shivered against him, Kylo dipped his head and brought his lips down on hers.

“Our clothes should be dry now. We need to warm you up.” he said.

Kylo walked over to where their clothes were spread out on the floor of the cave. He gathered them up in his arms and walked back over towards Rey. She stood in front of him, the blanket falling to her feet. Kylo felt his face heat up. He handed her each piece of clothing one at a time and watched as she dressed in front of him. He hurriedly dressed in his trousers and black robes.

Kylo grabbed his cowl from the floor and held it in his hands. He placed it over Rey’s shoulders and pulled the hood over her head. Her shining hazel eyes met his and his heart skipped a beat. He grabbed the ponchos and handed one over to her before putting his own over his head.

“We aren’t very far from the crystal caves. And it looks as if the storm has died down.”

They both laced up their boots before emerging out of the cave to continue on their journey. Kylo held her hand as they trudged through the snow. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed as they continued through the snow and ice.

Then, there it was. The crystal cave that Luke had told him about years ago when he was still under his tutelage. Their hands were still interlaced, he turned to look into Rey’s eyes. Without words he silently asked her if she was ready for what they would find inside the cave.

_As ready as I will ever be._

_Luke told me that these caves often times show you visions of your deepest fears. Remember that they are just that-- visions._

_Alright, let's find our crystals Ben._

_Okay starlight._

***

Rey walked into the cave and was surrounded by darkness. She reached out to grab Ben’s hand but he was gone. She knew that he wouldn’t leave her, that this was part of the vision, to make her feel utterly alone. It didn’t stop her heart from racing. It didn’t stop the panic from setting in.

She looked up to see an image of herself, a younger Rey. Tears were streaming down her face as the hand of Unkar Plutt held her back. Her child self was screaming for them to come back. Her parents. They had left her on Jakku with a promise to come back. The image changed, shifting in time until she was surrounded by a dark forest. She heard _that_ _voice_. The voice she had grown to know over the many years that she had heard it in her head. _That voice_ , it was plain as day now who that voice belonged to. She remembered the first time she had heard that voice, in her AT-AT on Jakku when she was a child. _I’ll come back for you._ It wasn’t her parents. It was someone else. And now, in the dark forest. _I’ll come back for you, starlight. I’ll come back for you._ The voice belonged to Ben, but why was he leaving her?

She collapsed on the ground, feeling the soil beneath her knees. He had left her, just like her parents, just like everyone had ever done. She wasn’t worthy of a commitment. She was foolish to believe that Ben would be any different.

_No. This isn’t real. He cares for you. He wouldn’t leave you._

She stood up and walked through the forest, searching for the voice, following it as she walked past the trees. She could hear his voice getting closer as she approached a break in the trees. The scenery faded away to reveal the cave walls. Rey was surrounded by crystals. When she looked up she felt the pull. Her hand felt along the wall of the wave until she reached a small crystal nestled within the rock. She pulled it and fell back on her bottom, holding the crystal in her hand. She held it to her heart as tears slipped out of her eyes. She could feel it in the Force, this is _her_ crystal. Then she felt the pull again and she reached for another crystal. Two crystals.

Rey heard the sound of someone in agony. She turned and saw Ben cowered on the floor and clutching his head.

“No, no, no, don’t hurt her. NO. Kill me, kill me. Don’t hurt her. No.”

She ran over and fell to her knees in front of him, pulling his hands away from his face and grabbing his cheeks. He didn’t see her when she looked into his deep brown eyes. Tears were streaming down his face and he kept crying out in torment. Rey pulled his head against her chest and held him. Hoping that her embrace and their bond would help him through his vision.

***

Kylo was in a dark cavern kneeling in front of Snoke’s throne.

“What of the girl?”

_No. Not Rey. No._

“You will bring her to me Kylo Ren. A reminder is in order. I will show you the dark side.”

“No, don’t hurt her. NO.”

“You are weak. It is disgusting. Your compassion for a mere scavenger has you blinded to your true purpose.”

“You are not my master any longer. She understands me, she accepts me for who I am.”

“You honestly believe she could love you? A monster, a murderer. You _will_ bring her to me and I will dispose of your weakness.”

“No, no, no, don’t hurt her. NO. Kill me, kill me. Don’t hurt her. No.”

Suddenly, without seeing, he felt _her_ light surrounding him and pulling him out of the vision. He felt the skin of her neck as he nuzzled her collarbone, breathing her in. His heart was beginning to slow back to its normal pace. Kylo grabbed hold of her waist in his hands. So tiny beneath his fingers. Finally, he looked up into her eyes. He pulled the hood off of her head so he could see more of her. _She’s here. She’s safe._

Kylo weaved his fingers into her hair and pulled her down until their lips met. He devoured her mouth, kissing her until they were both gasping for breath. And even then, he continued to kiss her skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses along her chin and neck. He needed more of her, to know that she was _alive_ and _real_.

_Please,_ he pushed to her across the bond as his hand snuck under her layers. _Please,_ he repeated.

He felt her acceptance across the bond. Quickly he pushed the poncho and cowl over her head leaving them in a pile on the floor of the cave. Gently, he laid her back against the clothing. He settled himself on top of her, her thighs cradling his hips. _We were made for this Rey. See how we fit together._

His hand rested on her neck as he kissed her deeply. Nervously, he moved his hand down her body until he was cupping her breast. To his surprise, she moaned and rolled her hips against his. Kylo kissed across her collarbone and sternum. The hand on her breast massaged her gently. He brushed his thumb over her erect nipple and relished in her moan of pleasure. He moved his hand back up her body until he was tracing her collarbone with his fingertips. _Please,_ he asked again. _Please Rey_. He showed her what he wanted and she nodded her approval.

Kylo pushed her top up over her breasts and began unwrapping her breast band. Her chest rose with her deep breathing as he revealed the delicate skin of her breasts. Her nipples hardened in the cool air of the cave. They were beautiful, dusky pink nipples on milky white skin. He mouthed the soft swell of her breasts as he made his way across her skin to take a nipple into his mouth.

She held his head against her, urging him on as he licked and sucked at her nipple. It was a comforting gesture. He licked soft circles around her nipple before taking it between his lips again. He sucked on her breast until she was panting underneath him. He pulled off with a slick pop, watching as her chest rose and fell. Kylo kissed his way over to her other nipple and took it between his lips. His hands cupped her breasts. And when he thumbed over her other nipple, he felt the slick of his saliva covering it. He smiled over her nipple and continued to lick and suck, giving it the same attention he gave the other.

Kylo felt her bucking up against him with each suck. She was seeking friction for that much needed release.

_Do you want me to--_ he pushed across the bond.

_Yes, yes, please._

His hand ran down her body until he reached the band of her pants. He delved beneath and found her slick folds. Kylo’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he felt how _wet_ she was, and it was all for him. He moved his finger back and forth, collecting her arousal and then finding her clit. He rubbed her in swift circles as he continued to suck at her nipple. He could feel her building up to something.

_So close_. He heard her say.

_Do you want?_

Her answer was quick, _yes_.

Kylo pressed a finger inside of her and used his thumb to press against her clit. He curled his finger experimentally and felt her quiver. _Oh, she likes that_. He repeated the action until she began rocking her hips onto his finger. He felt her walls tightening around his digit as she moaned. He kept moving his thumb along her until she pushed him off.

“Sorry, it was too much. Too sensitive.” she said.

He was painfully hard and couldn’t help but to palm at himself through his pants. Rey pushed his hand away and he groaned in his displeasure.

That is, until she began undoing his pants and freeing his erection. Her small hand felt incredible against his skin. She ghosted her fingertips over the head of his penis. Kylo put his hand over hers and guiding her, showing her how he touched himself. She moved her hand up and down his shaft. It didn’t take long for him to come, after being so worked up with touching her. He came onto her hand and the floor in hot spurts.

Gently, he put his softened penis back into his pants and used his poncho to clean Rey’s hand off. _Luke won’t be getting this poncho back._

Kylo helped her up on shaky legs. She pulled two crystals out of her pocket and showed him.

“Two? Are you going to make a saber staff?”

“I hadn’t even thought of that to be honest. But now that you have said it, it would make sense wouldn’t it?”

He nodded in agreement, “It certainly would.”

Rey blushed suddenly, her thoughts on what they had just done. Then she asked him about his crystal. _His crystal. Right._

Kylo reached out into the Force, searching the cave until he felt a slight pull. There, there it was. He pulled the crystal over to him using the Force and held it in the palm of his hand.

“Let's get out of here,” he said with a smile on his lips.

***

The journey back to the Falcon was much quicker without facing an ice storm. Kylo insisted that Rey take a hot shower to warm up her bones before they took off. He held his saber in his hand, turning it on and watching the unstable blade as it flickered. The cracked kyber crystal was much like himself, broken, damaged. Yet now, he was learning to heal. His new crystal is solid. It represents his path towards redemption. A fear deep in his heart worried that he wouldn’t feel a pull to another crystal, that he would continue to be this damaged individual. He was glad to see that his fear was unfounded.

Rey walked out of the shower, warm and dressed in a clean set of clothes. Kylo pulled the cracked crystal from his saber and coiled some twine around it, securing it on a long piece of threaded string. He held the crystal in his hand and offered it out to Rey.

“A kyber crystal is the heart of the lightsaber. And you possess my heart, so it is only fitting that you wear my crystal. Will you wear it?”

She froze where she stood. For a moment Kylo thought he had done something wrong. But then she ran into his arms and buried her face into his chest.

“Yes, of course I will.”

Kylo put the necklace over her neck. He fingered the crystal as it laid nestled between her breasts.

“Perfect,” he said.

She kissed him then, long and passionate. It took everything in him to not just stay there forever with Rey in his arms. He reluctantly pulled away.

“Where to next?” she asked.

“Somewhere where you can meditate and build your saber.”

“Where do you suggest.”

“I know just the place. It is where my grandmother is from. Naboo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it fitting that this whole story centers around Kylo wanting to prove to Rey that he is worth her love. He wants to "possess" her heart. But at the end of the day, she possesses his.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t take his eyes off the crystal, his crystal. It hung just between her breasts, right over her heart. And wasn’t that symbolic? He’d given her his heart and she held it right over hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead

Kylo watched Rey as she typed in the coordinates for Naboo and set them into hyperdrive. The crystal hanging from her neck shined as the long streaks of stars passed them by. He couldn’t take his eyes off the crystal, _his_ crystal. It hung just between her breasts, right over her heart. And wasn’t that symbolic? He’d given her his heart and she held it right over hers. Rey reached over and cupped his cheek, pecking him on the lips sweetly. He realized that he must have been projecting his thoughts over the bond, she was fingering the crystal and staring into his eyes.

“What did you see in the crystal caves?” she asked suddenly.

Kylo wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about what he had seen, it was still so vivid, and the threat too real. Clearing his throat, he nervously brushed his hands on his thighs. When he looked up, his dark eyes locked onto her hazel ones. She looked at him with worry written all over her face. He knew he would have to tell her, so he might as well get it over with.

“I was being tortured, by Snoke. I believe the caves were showing up our deepest fears. Mine is… well… my deepest fear is Snoke taking you away from me. My deepest fear is for him to hurt or kill you. And I can’t let that happen.”

Rey reached over and grabbed his hand. Her smaller hand rubbing circles on his wrist. He wondered suddenly what she had seen. What her deepest fear could have been.

“And what did you see Rey?”

“It started out the same as a reoccurring nightmare that I’ve had many nights after I was left on Jakku. Of my parents leaving me, and never coming back. Then… well I realized something actually. A voice that I’ve heard in my dreams. It was your voice Ben. But I didn’t realize until then, I have heard your voice in my dreams before I had even met you. How is that possible?”

Kylo knew what she was experiencing, because he too had dreams of a young woman calling out to him. The very same woman that sat beside him in the cockpit of his father’s ship.

“Rey, you know of our bond. But I don’t think you realize how far back it goes. I’ve had dreams and visions of you since I was a child. And I believe you have also had these dreams and visions. We were destined to be together, one way or the other. It must be the will of the Force. Our destinies have always been intertwined. It just took me a long time to find you.”

She nodded her head and she stared out the viewport. Suddenly she stood and scrambled into his lap, burying her face in his neck. Kylo ran his hands up and down her back in soothing strokes.

It wouldn’t be long before they reached Naboo. Kylo tried to enjoy having Rey in his arms, because when they reached Naboo-- they would both be in deep meditation while they constructed their new sabers.

Kylo stroked his fingers through her hair and set his chin on the top of her head. He could feel her little puffs of breath on his neck. He hugged her even tighter against him as he watch the stars pass by them.

***

Upon landing on Naboo, Kylo grabbed Rey’s hand and gathered up their tools and supplies that they would need when they found a place to meditate. He had an idea of where he wanted to take her.

They walked down the ramp hand in hand with the bag of supplies thrown over his shoulder. Once they reached the bottom of the ramp, Rey looked out at the rolling hills, waterfalls, and lakes that make up the planet. She breathed in deeply and smiled at what she saw.

“This planet is beautiful,” she said.

He looked at her hazel eyes and pink lips when he replied, “yes it is.”

“It means something to you, that’s why you wanted to come here?”

Kylo let go of her hand and instead wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into him as he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

“This is the home planet of my grandmother. Padme Amidala. My grandparents got married here, in secret.”

She leaned into him as they looked around at the green field of grass ahead of them.

“Secret relationships, that never ends well does it?” she asked.

And how very right she was. Although he wasn’t sure what the true story was at this point. His family had lied to him about who his grandfather was his entire life, and then Snoke jumped at the opportunity to twist the truth and reveal Anakin’s identity as Darth Vader. Perhaps the ghost would show up and help to tell the real story of what happened. He always did show up at the most inconvenient of times. It was really only a matter of time before he showed up here.

“It never does,” he agreed.

This time he led her across the field of grass towards one of the large waterfalls. She all but ran to the lake surrounding the waterfall, plunging her hands into the crystal clear water and laughing as she splashed water at him.

He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face as he walked over to her and grabbed her face, pressing a long kiss to her lips. He began stripping her of her belt and shirt as she sighed into his mouth.

“Ben, what are you--”

He silenced her with another kiss as he grabbed her hips and snuck his fingers underneath the waistband. He looked at her pleadingly. Asking for her permission to continue. She nodded once as he dropped to his knees and lifted one foot to better help remove her boots.

He pulled off her pants next, leaving her in nothing but her undergarments. Kylo smirked at her as he removed his own shirt and pants.

He began kissing her again, wrapping his arms around her waist and palming her ass. He lifted her off of her feet and she immediately wrapped her legs around his hips. His tongue licked at the seam of her mouth, and she opened up for him.

The water sloshed as he walked into the lake, the chill of it sinking into their skin as he walked them in deeper and deeper.

Rey gasped as she felt water cascading down her body and the sound of crashing water. Kylo chuckled as he let his head fall under the waterfall too. Once they were at the other side of the falls, his hair dripping in his face, he leaned forward and kissed her again. His wet lips on hers were cold from the water.

Her back hit the stone wall as he deepened the kiss. Nervously, he fumbled with her the breast binding covering her chest. She reached behind her to help him remove the wraps and placed them on the wet ground.

Kylo still couldn’t believe she was allowing this, he took in her perky tits and her dusky, pink nipples. He held them in the palms of his hands as he kissed her neck. He could feel her breasts swell to fit in his hands with each heaving breath she took.

He kissed down her neck, marking a path down to her nipple. He blew across the stiffened peak before taking it between his lips. He gave her a gentle suck.

Rey worked her hands down his shoulders and across the expanse of his back, caressing the hard muscles in his back that flexed beneath her touch.

Kylo laid her down the the rocky stone, making sure to cushion her head with her wet, discarded breastband.

He settled his body on top of her and began kissing her lips once more. He could do this for hours, lavishing every inch of her skin.

Rey’s eyes met his and she looked at him with such emotion he thought he could hear his heart crack. Her fingers laced into his dark, wavy locks and pulled him down for another kiss.

_I'm ready_

Kylo's eyes bugged out of his head as he took in her flushed face. Had she really just pushed those thoughts into his mind?

Kylo grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded once and kissed his chin.

Kylo's hands shook as he reached down to remove her panties. He couldn't stop himself from looking between her legs as she was revealed to him.

Tentatively, he reached out and teased her slick folds. She was already so wet, and all for him. Kylo pushed back to his knees and removed his underwear.

Rey was staring directly at his erection which caused his cheeks to flame. He grabbed himself in his hand and pumped it twice.

Once he settled himself back on top of her, he lined himself up and moved the head of his cock through her folds until it bumped her clit, causing her to moan.

Kylo kissed her lips as he pushed inside.

“Wait, wait,” she said as she clenched her jaw.

It took every bit of concentration to stay still and allow her to get used to the stretch. His head fell against her shoulder as she breathed in shallow breaths.

“Okay, you can move.”

He pulled back and pushed back into her. He could feel her pain through their bond and he wondered if she could feel what he felt. And she felt incredible. So hot and tight around him.

The bond wrapped around them, almost as if it was encouraging them. With each push and pull of their bodies, he felt when the pain turned into pleasure. And he relished the gasps of breath and her mouth falling open as he thrust into her body.

Kylo hooked his hand beneath her leg and pulled it up over his shoulder, giving him a better angle to thrust. He could reach even deeper inside her this way. And somehow, by the fates of the gods or the Force, he found that sweet spot that made her body tense up with pleasure.

“Oh,” she gasped.

He continued to hit that spot. Her walls began contracting around him, and she was reaching that beautiful blissful state. He wanted to feel her crash around him. He needed to feel her.

Once he felt her pussy tightening and fluttering around him, he was triggered and shot hot ropes of come deep inside of her.

They both gasped for breath as he slowly slid out of her. He pulled her into his chest and kissed her deeply.

“Rey, my gods, Rey.”

Their fingers interlaced as he nuzzled her neck.

“That was-- that was your first time?” He asked.

“Yes,” she responded. “And was it yours?”

“Yes.”

After putting on the barest of clothing, Kylo set the lightsaber parts and crystals around them in a circle. They sat back to back and meditated. Listening to the sound of the crashing water as their sabers began to take form. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd and I was too lazy to look it over. I hope there aren't too many mistakes. Sorry I suck.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo watched as Rey held the double bladed saber hilt in her hands. She held it out, away from her body as she ignited the duel blades. The shining gold beams erupted from the hilt of the saber and Rey breathed heavily as she took in the weapon she had made. Kylo’s heart clenched at the sight. The beautiful golden yellow beams were nothing short of perfection. His starlight, the light to his darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, humor, fluff, and porgs.

Kylo watched as Rey held the double bladed saber hilt in her hands. She held it out, away from her body as she ignited the duel blades. The shining gold beams erupted from the hilt of the saber and Rey breathed heavily as she took in the weapon she had made. Kylo’s heart clenched at the sight. The beautiful golden yellow beams were nothing short of perfection. His starlight, the light to his darkness.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered in her ear.

She smiled brightly at him. He could feel the pride rolling off of her in waves. She was proud of her achievement but also proud of his appreciation.

“Well,” Rey said as she extinguished her weapon and pointed to the hilt he held in his hand.

Kylo nervously thumbed over the button. What if the crystal turned red. What if he was still lost to the dark. Kylo would never be a Jedi. He would never be fully in the light. He was too damaged for that. Finally finding the courage, Kylo pressed the button on his cross guard saber hilt.

His eyes widened at the green beam. Green-- just like his first lightsaber he had constructed. Though the first blade did not have a crossguard, Kylo decided to keep it with his new design. He had learned to use the unstable red saber he built once he left with Snoke, and because of that he decided to keep the same design. It felt comfortable in his hand. A familiarity that made him feel secure.

Kylo pressed the button to extinguish his blade as he met Rey’s eyes. She leaped into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and peppering his face with kisses.

One of his arms held her under her bottom while the other still held the hilt to his new saber. She kissed his lips, deeply. When she pulled away he smiled down at her.

“Let’s go home.” he said.

“Home,” she agreed.

They both thought of the island of Ahch-To, and how it had become somewhat of a home to the two of them. Kylo could hardly wait to show his uncle his new saber. They placed their sabers in the bag they had brought the parts in. Kylo pulled Rey along with him towards the waterfall. She jumped on his back and wrapped her legs around his waist. Kylo walked them through the waterfall and across the lake to the clearing ahead.

Once they were back in the falcon, Kylo started the fresher for Rey, insisting that she warm up. He grabbed some dry clothing for both of them and set them out on the bunk.

“Ben.”

He walked over to the closed door and knocked lightly.

“Yes, starlight.”

“Join me.” she said, with innocence in her voice.

Kylo started stripping himself of his robes and wet underthings. When he walked into the refresher, she was standing with the stall open, the water cascading down her body. The sight was enticing to say the least.

He walked in behind her and immediately wrapped his arms around her slim waist. He let his hands roam over her slick body. Kylo didn’t think it would ever sink in that she allowed this-- welcomed his touch.

Kylo grabbed some soap and began washing her body, paying special attention to her breasts. Rey was leaning her head back against his shoulder with her eyes closed. He moved on to start washing her hair. He gently washed the suds from her hair and pressed a kiss to her cheek once he was finished.

Rey insisted that she return the favor. He leaned forward so she could reach his hair and relaxed into the comforting feel of her fingers as she worked them through his dark locks. He turned from her and let his head fall under the spray of water. His hands braced on the wall of the fresher. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her body fully against his back.

The bond between them seemed to warm and hum with every inch of skin that was touching. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Kylo-- or perhaps it was _Ben_ now, felt at peace. The voices that had haunted him in his youth were silenced. No longer did he fear Snoke’s grooming. Her proximity helped to push _him_ out of his mind.

He tried to be strong, tried to suppress the emotions that were building in his chest. The thought of his childhood and how his innocence was stolen before he had even left his mother’s womb. The memory of the crimes he committed as Kylo Ren. The guilt that ate away at his insides when he remembered his father’s face, the look in his father’s eyes as he clutched his face before falling over the ledge to his death. _Kylo_ had killed his father. But it was _Ben Solo_ that immediately regretted the action.

Ben broke down. He couldn’t hold the emotions in any longer. He hid his face in the crook on his elbow and sobbed. The arms around his waist tightened, the bond wrapped around him like a blanket, shielding him from the past torments and pain of his life. Those memories and actions that he partook in would not disappear, he would live with them for the rest of his life. The constant guilt would eat away at him until his dying breath-- and he wondered if he would ever learn to forgive himself.

Rey pushed words of encouragement across the bond. _It’s okay. You are safe now. I believe in you. I… I love you._

His heart clenched tightly at her confession. He had known for a while now that he had fallen in love with Rey and he knew that she cared for him. No, no-- she doesn’t love him. He remembered the voice from his childhood. _They don’t love you, they are scared of you, scared of your power._ And again after Snoke learned of his compassion for Rey. _She could never love you, how could she ever love a monster?_

“No,” he said outloud.

She turned him around to look in his eyes, she blinked back tears as they started to form.

“What do you mean, no?”

Force, he had hurt her. He could feel the pain radiating from her heart. No, he needed to explain. To make her see.

“I mean, nobody loves me. You can’t possibly love me. I don’t deserve your love.”

“It’s not about what you deserve. It’s what you believe in. And I believe in love Ben.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pull him down until their lips collided. And it felt like coming home.

***

They arrived on Ahch-To in just a few day cycles. Luke was waiting for them at the clearing as they landed. He must have felt their Force signatures and came out to meet them.

As they descended the ramp, Luke walked over to him and pulled him down for a hug. Awkwardly, he returned the embrace. Then Luke turned to Rey and gave her a hug as well.

“So let’s see those weapons.” Luke asked with a smile on his face.

Rey pulled out her double bladed saber and ignited it. Luke’s eyes widened with awe at what she had created. Then Ben felt his uncle’s eyes land on him.

“And yours Benny?”

Ben pulled out his crossguard saber and ignited it, showcasing the green beam of light that erupted from the hilt.

“It’s… wonderful Ben. I am very proud of you. Of both of you. Now, are you hungry?”

Rey’s stomach growled, as if to answer for them. Ben smiled and responded, “Starved.”

***

Ben unloaded his bag into his hut and turned to make his way towards the fire pit when he was met face to face with Anakin’s Force ghost. He jumped back out of shock.

“Kriff, don’t sneak up on me like that.”

Anakin chose to stay silent but looked at him with a knowing smirk.

“Why are you smiling?”

Anakin crossed his arms and winked at him.

“What in the galaxy is your problem?”

“Oh you know,” Anakin stated. “Congratulations Benny.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about--” then realization hit him. “Wait, how do you know? Gods tell me you weren’t there.” Ben’s face turned red as he clutched his forehead.

“No, no, no,” Anakin insisted, “I can just feel a change in your Force signatures.”

Ben let out a sigh of relief.

“I wouldn’t be so relieved, my son can feel that change as well.”

Ben snapped his head around but the Force ghost had disappeared, leaving him alone in the hut. This couldn’t get any more embarrassing. Did everybody on this island know he had sex with Rey?

***

Ben walked towards the fire pit only to see Rey sitting in the grass surrounded by a gaggle of strange looking creatures. She was laughing and holding one in her lap.

“What?” he started to ask.

Luke was standing over the firepit, cooking some fish he had caught from the ocean.

“They are porgs.” he said.

“Porgs?” Ben walked over towards Rey and tentatively sat down beside of her.

“Here,” Rey said as she handed over the little creature she was holding.

Ben held the little porg out in front of him and stared at it’s big brown eyes. The creature squawked at him and flapped its little wings in excitement.

“Where did they come from?” Ben asked as he stared at the Porg in his arms.

“They are native here,” Luke supplied. “I hadn’t noticed them before, they have been living on the far island.”

“So what? You brought them over here?” Ben asked.

“I got a little lonely while you two were gone.”

“Lonely? You were on this island for what? Six or seven years?”

“Well, it’s different now that you both are here.” Luke replied.

Ben turned to look down at the bird like creature in his arms. They really were cute little things, he thought.

“Aren’t they cute?” Rey asked.

“Yeah, they kind of are.” he replied.

Suddenly Rey burst into a fit of laughter.

“What?” he asked as he looked at her in confusion, a furrow in his brow.

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she tried to stifle her giggles.

“It’s just, I just noticed-- you have porg eyes.”

“What, no I don’t. Rey that’s ridiculous!”

Ben placed the little porg down in the grass and it promptly jumped into his lap. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips, not caring that Luke was watching them from the firepit.

“Yes you do,” she said as she pulled away. “Big, brown, porg eyes.”

“She’s right you know,” Luke stated, “you do have porg eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Shwtlee for looking this over for me. 
> 
> So Ben is Ben now. He referred to himself as Kylo while Rey and Luke called him Ben. But he is accepting that he is no longer Kylo anymore. 
> 
> Yes there is a BatB reference, and a Wonder Woman reference. I'm trash.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt complete, he felt at home. And he knew she felt the same, she was projecting it across their bond. This feeling-- belonging. For they had both grown up galaxies apart, lost and lonely. But now, they no longer looked up at the stars and wondered when they would find their place. Those lonely days of their childhood when they felt the other's presence, but had yet to find them. Those visions of the future-- it was clear to him now. So very clear, how could he not have seen it before. They were always meant for this. Their destinies had always been intertwined, it was written in the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think <3

Ben was sat on the rocky ledge overlooking the waters of Ahch-To. He stared up at the swirl of constellations painting the night sky.

The breeze rolling off of the waves chilled him through his robes. He laid back against the cool face of the rocky cliff and let out a sigh.

Tomorrow they would begin training with their newly constructed sabers. Ben knew that training would be different this time around. It wouldn't be like the academy where the other students despised him for his bloodline. He was put on a pedestal at such a young age. So many expectations for what he was to become. And it hurt. It hurt to realize that he _wasn't_ what his family had expected. He wasn't good like Luke, he wasn't strong like Vader, he wasn't fearless like Leia, or smart like Han. He wasn't any of those things.

“We are all flawed.”

Ben turned to see his uncle standing behind him. Luke walked over and sat beside him on the cliff side. Ben sat up and looked down at his hands. The hands that had been stained with the blood of many. He had committed so many sins, how could anybody forgive him for what he's done.

“You're projecting Ben. I can feel your emotions like a storm. You have to know that we are not these perfect people that the Galaxy thinks we are. I'm not a saint. I've done questionable things in the past, I've been pulled towards the Dark, and my worst sin of all-- I didn't save you from that fate. I didn't see it, the darkness, until it was too late. That guilt will live with me forever. I could have done something, but I failed you Ben.”

Ben could feel Luke’s disappointment in himself. He wanted to say something, to assure his uncle that this wasn't _his_ fault. It was Snoke. It had always been Snoke. But before he could even open his mouth to respond, Luke continued.

“I thought... at first I thought you were the chosen one. That you would finally bring balance to the Force. But I was wrong.”

Ben grit his teeth and tried to ignore the stab of pain in his heart. The shame in not being anything that his family expected of him.

“No Ben, don't do that. I wasn't finished. You alone are not the chosen one. Don't you see? There isn't a chosen _one_. You and Rey, the two of you will bring balance to the Force together. It's not one or the other. Together you create the balance in the universe. Her light and your darkness, neither of you are completely light or dark, and together you balance each other out… and create gray.”

Luke began to stand and brushed off his robes.

“I know what you are doing,” Luke continued. “You are letting your own guilt fester. I know it’s easier said than done, but from experience-- don’t do that to yourself. You are already starting to atone from what you’ve done. And your father forgave you, I knew him better than most, and even if he had an odd way of showing it, he loved you very much.”

Ben felt Luke’s hand on his shoulder as he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t stay out here too long Ben. We have a rigorous training schedule to begin tomorrow.”

***

Ben entered his hut and walked over to the bed roll, falling to his knees and clutching his head in his hands. The pain was back. Snoke was beating at his walls, demanding entrance into his mind. He wouldn’t let him, he _couldn’t_ let him.

With another shove, Ben threw Snoke away from his mental walls and once again his mind was at peace. Snoke was getting impatient. Ben knew it wouldn’t be long before he would be forced to go up against Snoke. Snoke’s death would be the only way for him to be free from the mental abuse and the torture.

Fear began to prickle against his mind. Doubts and insecurities wrapping themselves around his heart and squeezing. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He knew that he was beginning to panic, the anxiety eating away at him with each labored breath.

Then he was thrown into a memory.

_His back was on fire from the lashes brought down on him by Snoke’s praetorian guards. This was his punishment. Snoke held him down with the Force, froze him in his spot, while the guards beat him bloody._

_“There's still light in you.” Snoke spit out in disgust._

_“No, no, I'm immune to the light.”_

_He would say anything to get the pain to stop. Maybe if he believed the lie, Snoke would too. It was a foolish thought._

_“No, I can see straight through you Kylo Ren. You still hold compassion for Leia Organa.”_

_“Compassion? Never. She's an enemy of the Order. I have no compassion for her.”_

_Snoke rubbed his chin, deep in thought._

_“When the time comes, you will prove it.”_

_Kylo was released from the Force hold as his knees slammed into the duracrete floor._

_“Go to your chambers and meditate. Do not heal your wounds. Use that pain to snuff out the light.”_

Ben felt his eyes well up with unshed tears. Snoke wanted to take away every person that cared for him. He knew, even back then, that he still loved his mother and father. Even with the resentment he felts towards them. They were still his parents. Snoke wanted him vulnerable, he wanted him to have no attachments, none other than himself. Even when he was Kylo Ren, the mindset unsettled him. But Snoke had promised him that by eliminating the light, he would finally be whole again. No longer being torn apart.

Snoke had lied.

Suddenly, he felt arms wrap around his waist and Rey’s body pressed into his back. He could feel the steady beat of her heart, and it served to calm him down. She quickly released him and moved in front of him. He buried his face in her stomach, relishing the scent of her. Rey’s fingers carded through his hair, the gentle touch comforting.

When she spoke, she sounded broken.

“You were the legacy child. Born from legends.”

He tightened his grip on her hips and brushed his nose across the smooth skin of her stomach, peeking out through her sleep clothes.

“But those legends were never there for you. They didn’t save you from the darkness, from Snoke.”

Finally, the tears fell from his eyes and he buried his face further into her body. He was embarrassed of his weakness. So vulnerable, but he could only be vulnerable in front of her.

He felt her tiny hands start to help him up. She walked him over to her hut, putting him down on the bedrolls and blankets that were set up by the window. It was comforting, that she would share her space with him. He felt loved and cared for. He felt safe.

Ben lounged back on the bedroll, balancing on his elbows as he watched Rey going about her hut, closing the curtains for extra privacy. When she turned back around to face him, she stared into his eyes and started to pull her sleep clothes off.

He felt his cheeks burn but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her as each article of clothing hit the dirty floor of the hut. Once she was fully naked in front of him, she moved towards him and lowered herself on to his lap.

She kissed him fiercely, capturing the breath from his lungs. His hands found their way into her loose hair as he cradled her neck, deepening the kiss. He broke away to catch his breath, his pupils dilated with lust and _love_.

“Don’t think Ben, just feel.” she said as she kissed him again.

Her hands snuck under his tunic, feeling the hard panes of his stomach. Her touch felt like fire coursing through his veins. The bond humming in appreciation at their proximity. Ben felt her lifting his tunic, exposing his skin to the crisp air. She pulled away from his lips to pull his tunic over his head, and when she kissed him again, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her beautiful tits and pointy nipples pressed against his chest. His hands rubbed up and down the expanse of her back, taking in the soft feel of her skin.

Her hand dipped into his trousers and grabbed his already hardened cock. His eyes rolled into the back of his head at the feel of her warm palm. Soon she had rid him of his pants and settled herself over him, clutching onto his shoulders as she teased the head of his cock with her slick folds.

“Please Rey.” Had he really resorted to begging?

She rose to her knees and reached between their bodies, grabbing his erection and lining him up with her entrance.

Then finally, _finally_. She was sinking down on top of him, her walls impossibly tight around him until she bottomed out. Ben grabbed at her hips and gave a shallow thrust. She looked beautiful like this. Her body encased with shadows and the glow from the moonlight sneaking through the window.

He reached up and grabbed her breast, squeezing it lightly in the palm of his hand. He rubbed his thumb around her nipple, and she moaned. He felt himself grown even harder with the sounds she was making, her hips speeding up as she rocked against him.

He met her thrust for thrust, watching as her mouth hung open with each little gasp that escaped her lips. Her breasts bounced deliciously, and it didn’t take much to pull her forward so he could take the stiff peak between his lips. He sucked at her pliant flesh, feeling her hard bud against his tongue. He released it with a slick pop and nuzzled her nipple with his nose before moving on the the other. Giving it equal attentions.

His thrusts became desperate, seeking that release that he needed. Needing to feel her clench around him. Everything about this-- this was what completed him. Made him whole. It was both feelings and emotion, it was love and passion and everything right in the Galaxy.

Rey arched her back, pressing her breasts into his chest once more. Ben moved his hands from her waist to her bottom, grabbing her and pulling her into him. Pushing deeper inside of her with each plunge.

“Starlight,” he groaned. “Starlight, my starlight.”

Their lips collided and Rey sucked on his fuller bottom lip, causing the blood to rush straight to his dick. He felt her moan against his lips, her gasping breaths hot against his mouth.

“Benny.”

The name sounded sweet coming from her lips, those pretty pink lips. He felt her walls fluttering around him and he knew she was falling over the edge. He followed her, thrusting as each spurt of his come released inside of her.

She collapsed on top of him, their breathing erratic as they held each other in a tight embrace. Not wanting to let go, not wanting to separate.

He felt complete, he felt at home. And he knew she felt the same, she was projecting it across their bond. This feeling-- belonging. For they had both grown up galaxies apart, lost and lonely. But now, they no longer looked up at the stars and wondered when they would find their place. Those lonely days of their childhood when they felt the other's presence, but had yet to find them. Those visions of the future-- it was clear to him now. So very clear, how could he not have seen it before. They were always meant for this. Their destinies had always been intertwined, it was written in the stars.

Ben wrapped his arms around Rey’s body and held her close. She rested her head against his chest. Ben absentmindedly rubbed her back, drawing patterns on her golden skin with his fingers.

He looked up at the sliver of night sky that peeked through the fluttering curtains with each gust of wind. The stars shimmered above like beacons on the sea.

_Written in the stars._ He thought as he drifted to sleep with his starlight in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Shwtlee for being my beta and number one fan of this story!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you Ben Solo.” she said as she kissed each of his cheeks and then his lips. 
> 
> That was the first time she said those words out loud. He felt his heart swell. He allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he was capable of being loved. 
> 
> “I love you more than the stars in the sky. It’s infamous, the degree in which I love you.” he replied. Walking them towards the bank of the pond.

The next morning, Ben found himself being dragged out of the hut by Rey. They had hastily dressed in loose sleep clothes and walked together towards the waters to bathe.

Rey began pulling her shirt off as soon as they were at the secluded pond. Letting each article of clothing drop on the shore before wading into the water. Ben followed behind her, hastily stripping himself of his clothes.

He put his hand lightly on her waist as they walked deeper into the water. She turned in his arms and wrapped them around his neck, pressing her slick, wet body against his and kissing him deeply.

Ben returned her heated kisses by plunging his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. His hands ran up and down the expanse of her back. Her skin was so smooth underneath his palms.

He felt himself beginning to harden and he wanted nothing more than to carry her out of the water and fuck her into the grass. Yet, he knew they couldn’t get carried away. They were to meet Luke at the clearing for training.

Gently, he pulled away from her lips and kissed her nose before tugging the bands out of her hair.

Her hair fell to her shoulders in loose curls. Ben leaned her back in his arms and dipped her head back into the cool water. Ben supported her neck with one hand while he used the other to brush through her wet locks.

She looked up at him with hooded eyes. He couldn’t believe that she felt anything for him at all, after what he’s done. But after the previous night, she made sure he knew that he was wanted. She made that hurt, that surrounded his heart melt away. She burned-- and he never felt more alive than when she held him in her arms.

“I think we should dry off and then head back to the clearing,” he suggested as he lifted her into an embrace.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and sunk her fingers into his hair.

“I love you Ben Solo.” she said as she kissed each of his cheeks and then his lips.

That was the first time she said those words out loud. He felt his heart swell. He allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he was capable of being loved.

“I love you more than the stars in the sky. It’s infamous, the degree in which I love you.” he replied. Walking them towards the bank of the pond.

“You’re so cheesy.” she teased.

“I can’t help it, you bring it out in me.”

***

They dried off and got dressed quickly, walking hand in hand back to the huts. He kissed her longingly as they parted to get their newly constructed sabers from their respective huts.

Ben walked into his hut and walked over to the bedroll. He grabbed the pillow and tossed it aside, revealing his new saber. The Force in his new crystal seemed to sing when he grabbed hold of the hilt. Ben never thought he would find a crystal that called to him more than the cracked one that Rey currently wore around her neck.

It was symbolic really. That cracked crystal represented a broken man. Rey was the one to put those pieces back together.

Ben walked out of the hut and made his way up to the clearing. On his way up the stone steps, he felt that familiar presence of his grandfather's Force ghost.

“I’m proud of you, Ben.”

He turned to look at the hazy ghost and gave him a half smirk.

“And what exactly is it that you are proud of?”

“You’ve taken your birth name back. You created a new saber, you are going to be training so you can defeat Snoke. And if doing so, you will take back the control that he stole from you. You’ve come a long way since that night on Starkiller Base. So yes, I am proud of you.”

Ben felt his cheeks heat. For so many years he wanted this man’s approval. And here he was, finally getting it. Yet not the way he had ever perceived.

“I’ll be watching you train from a distance. I don’t want to distract you. Though in all honesty, I don’t believe _I_ will be the one distracting you.”

Ben rolled his eyes, but he had to admit-- the ghost had a point. Rey was always a distraction. Ever since he first saw her in the forest on Takodana.

“Hey wait,” Ben said as he turned to look at his grandfather. The ghost looked back at him curiously. “No, nevermind, you wouldn’t know.”

“What is it Ben, if I don’t know I may be able to find out for you. What is troubling you?”

“It’s a long shot, but do you have any idea about Rey’s parents. What happened to them? Who they were?”

Anakin sucked in a deep breath and looked smugly at him.

“In time, you will find the answer to that question. But it’s best if you look for those answers, you and Rey-- together.”

Ben turned away from Anakin and walked quickly up the steps. Rey was stretching on the ground while his uncle was sat by the tree, meditating.

He walked over to where Rey was and leaned over to press a kiss to her temple.

“Are you ready to train?” he asked with a tiny smirk.

“Absolutely.”

***

“Rey, you have constructed a double bladed saber staff. Not many in history have used such a saber. The legendary Jedi knight Bastila Shan constructed one, also the sith lord Darth Maul.”

Rey listened intently as Luke told her about the history behind the double bladed saber. Generally the technique is hard to grasp. But Rey had spent her entire childhood wielding a staff. This saber staff felt more comfortable in her hands than the Skywalker saber. She knew that she could wield it with ease.

“What forms do you think would be most effective with a double bladed saber?” Luke asked.

Rey was still very knew to the saber forms. She let her mind clear as she thought about the forms.

“Juyo and perhaps Ataru.”

“That’s correct,” Luke said with a smile. “Ataru specifically is good for your aggressive fighting style. You are quick in your strikes. This form would be very suitable for you to practice with your saber. Now Juyo on the other hand, is a bit more dangerous. You have to be cautious not to fall to the Dark side while using this form. However, the two of you are the Balance. I believe that you both will be able to effectively use this form. With your bond, you can pull each other back in the other falls too deep into the Darkness.” Luke settled his gaze upon his nephew. “Now Ben, what form are you most comfortable with?”

Rey looked over to where Ben was standing, his saber lit by his side as he twirled it around in his grasp.

“Niman. And Juyo.”

“Let’s practice these forms, and then I want you to spar.” Luke said.

***

The training session was grueling. Luke didn’t take it easy on them. Ben felt the sweat running into his eyes and stinging them as he parried each blow from Rey’s saber. She was ferocious in her style. He found himself liking the way she moved as she fought him.

Luke told them that they were finished for the day. They would begin training again the next morning. He then walked off towards the fire pit to prepare dinner.

Suddenly, Rey froze him with the Force and slowly approached him. The heat in her eyes caused all the blood to rush to his cock. She looked like a goddess as she stalked up to him. He wanted to grab her waist, to crash their lips together, but he was rendered motionless with her Force hold.

She stopped in front of him, rising on her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around his neck, hovering her lips just an inch from his own.

This woman was going to be the death of him, he concentrated on her Force hold and tried to maneuver his way out of it.

“Do you think that I wasn’t aware of how I made you feel when I fought you.” she asked as she nuzzled his nose with her own.

“Rey, please.” he gasped out.

“You were projecting Ben. Watching me fight turned you on.”

The blood drained from his face. If he had been projected to her-- then surely his uncle. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” she said as she pressed her body against his. He longed to put his hands on her hips, to kiss her pretty, pink lips. “You were projecting over the bond Ben.”

She released him from the hold and his hands clamped tightly onto her hips, pulling her even closer into his chest.

Finally, he captured her lips in a long, sensual kiss. He let his hands move down to cup her perfect, peachy ass.

She pulled away and he groaned at the loss.

“You know, I was thinking.” she said, as she brushed one of his curly locks out of his eyes. “We should move your belongings into my hut.”

It took him by surprise, his eyes widened in wonderment. Then he smiled widely.

“You would really want that?”

He knew she liked her privacy, growing up on her own she was used to having her solitude undisturbed. But here she was, offering him a place in her sanctuary.

“Yes, Ben.”

He pressed his full lips to hers once more, stealing her breath. He couldn’t contain the happiness he felt, and in a way he didn’t want to contain it. So long in his life had he bottled everything up. Now, he could be free. Finally he could be free.

A gruff cough brought them both back to attention. Ben turned to see his uncle smirking at him from the top of the stone steps.

“If the two of you are quite finished, dinner is served.” he said while gesturing down towards the fire pit.

Ben blushed deeply at being caught with his tongue down Rey’s throat. She sauntered past him and made her way quickly down the stone steps.

“You really love her don’t you.” Luke asked.

“More than anything.” Ben agreed.

Luke walked beside him as they descended down the steps.

“Don’t let your attachment to each other get in the way of the objective.”

Ben heard what Luke was saying, and in a sense he agreed. Snoke needed to be taken out. That was the most important priority. But Ben already knew that he would save Rey if it came down to it. He couldn’t live on without her. Even if he sacrificed himself, he was comforted in the fact that she would live on.

“Don’t think like that.” Luke added.

“Uncle, promise me that if something happens to me, you will save Rey. Promise me that you will get her out of there.”

Luke remained silent as he looked at Ben solemnly.

“I’m not naive enough to believe that we will all make it out of this alive.” Ben said. “Promise me that you will put her first. Before me.”

“Ben-- I can’t.”

“You must.” he snapped. “After all that I’ve done I would deserve nothing less. Make sure she gets out of this alive. Please.”

Luke rubbed his temples and sighed deeply.

“Your mother will strangle me if anything happens to you.”

“She knows the sacrifices that need to be made in order to rid the galaxy of evil.”

“But still, she lost you once already.”

Ben bit into his bottom lip, trying not to think about the pain his mother would be in if he dies in the process of taking out Snoke.

“Then we need to be diligent. We need to plan this attack accordingly. Take him by surprise-- and end him quickly. That’s the only way we will all make it out of this alive.”

Luke smiled at him then, “As it turns out, I have a plan. We will discuss it over dinner.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta Shwtlee <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke, Ben, and Rey leave Ahch-To to meet up with the resistance and divulge a plan to go up against the First Order.

“No,” Ben practically yells in Luke’s face.

“Ben, be reasonable. Your mother wants to help.”

“She _wants_ to run headlong into danger, how can you allow that of her. She hasn't trained in the Force. I won't lose my mother.” He sniped.

Ben felt Rey’s arm curl around his bicep, her fingertips grazing the material of his tunic.

_Ben_. She pushed across the bond. _At the very least, hear him out._

_This is my mother, Rey. My mother. I can't lose her too. I can't be responsible for--_

He grit his teeth as he thought about his father. He would live with the guilt of what he'd done for the rest of his life.

“Fine, what's her plan.” He growled. He would hear Luke out, only for Rey’s sake.

“Well,” Luke began. “You aren't going to like this. But she wants us to reconvene at the resistance base. She wants to go over the plans together-- with the resistance.”

Ben stared at him with a stony glare.

“You mean the people who hate me, and rightfully so? They won't want anything to do with me. I'll probably be executed on the spot, or exiled if I'm lucky.”

Luke stayed silent.

“They wouldn't, if we just explain-- everything.” Rey assured.

And he loved that about her. How she could always see the positive side of everything. To be that optimistic. He wished he could be like that. She would always be his bright light. She guides him through the dark. Could she guide him through this? He certainly hoped she could.

The rest of the day was spent packing up and preparing the ship for departure. Ben couldn't help the sick feeling in his stomach over the confrontation that was sure to come.

It wasn’t long before they were boarding the Falcon and flying off to the resistance base on D’Qar. Ben co-piloted for Rey. And as they hit lightspeed, she set the ship to autopilot and stood up, offering Ben her hand. They walked together to where Luke was sitting, reading from his leather-bound journal.

“What is in that thing? You carry it around everywhere.” Rey asked.

Luke pressed the book into his lap and flattened out the worn pages.

“I was on Ahch-To for a very long time. In that time, I was meditating and looking up as much information as I could about the first Jedi temple. The history of the Jedi. I began to see things in a different light, I was able to see where the Jedi went wrong. It’s a flawed system. I was searching for the answer, for what would _truly_ bring balance to the Force. And all this time, it was sitting right in front of me.”

He flipped the pages until he found what he was looking for.

“My father helped me to see, along with my mentor Obi Wan Kenobi. They are both Force ghosts now and come to me when I need their expertise. It is strange how the Force works. Obi Wan Kenobi, also known as Ben, is your name sake.” Luke said to Ben. “He was like family to my father, and subsequently to myself.”

Luke cracked his knuckles and looked at Rey with guilt written on his face.

“I am sorry Rey. I have kept something from you. And I’ve come to realize that that is the very reason for Ben’s fall to the Dark side. We didn’t tell him the truth of his relation to Darth Vader. The truth is, for the longest time, there was always a Skywalker and a Kenobi in the center of it all. Anakin was the chosen one. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. And in a way he did. However, it wasn’t a true balance. Good and evil, black and white, it isn’t so clear-cut. Balance, true balance, is in the gray. Using both sides of the Force. And who better to do that than the descendents of Skywalker and Kenobi?”

“You mean--” Rey choked out.

“Yes, you are Obi Wan Kenobi’s granddaughter.”

A ghostly figure appeared in front of her, Ben recognized him from the old holos he had seen of Anakin and his master-- this was a young Obi Wan Kenobi. Obi Wan reached his hand out to graze Rey’s cheek.

“How?” she asked. “Why didn’t I know?”

“Your parents,” Obi Wan spoke. And it was a voice that she had heard before. _Rey, these are your first steps._ “They sent you away with a trusted friend. That friend was supposed to secure your safety with an old family friend. Lor San Tekka. Yet, somehow, you never made it to the Church of the Force. And your parents-- my son and his wife were executed by Imperials.”

Rey turned to Luke, looking into his eyes with bewilderment.

“But you said you didn’t know who I was, you refused to train me. You didn’t want anything to do with me. How could you have done that if you had known all along?”

Luke shook his head, “No, I didn’t know. Not until recently, not until Obi Wan came to me-- when the time was right. I had learned so much about the balance, little pieces throughout the years that I had exiled myself. Only when I realized that it was the two of you-- you two are the balance, only then did Obi Wan come to me.”

Rey slumped into a chair as tears gathered in her eyes. Ben slid in beside her and just held her. She buried her face in his chest, holding back the tears for the parents she would never meet. Ben could feel her sadness, piercing through the bond. She had held out hope. In a way, she had known, but she was always hopeful that she would one day see them again. It broke his heart.

***

When they finally arrived on D’Qar, Rey had landed the ship in the open hangar. Leia was waiting for them on the tarmac along with Finn, the x-wing pilot Poe, and a short dark hair girl.

Rey waited for the ramp to descend and walked out first, followed by Luke, and lastly Ben. She was nervous for Finn’s reaction to Ben. But in her heart, she hopped that her friend would understand. He of all people should understand the manipulation of the First Order. And what had been done to Ben was inconceivable.

As it turns out, Finn didn't understand, as soon as he saw Ben he pulled his blaster out and aimed for his head. Rey’s hands shot out and grabbed the blaster from Finn’s grip, crushing it against the nearby walls of the base.

“Rey, what are you?” Finn asked in shock.

She walked over to Ben and grabbed his hand, looking straight into Finn’s questioning gaze.

“The man you knew was Kylo Ren. This is Ben Solo, and he is here to help us defeat Snoke.”

Finn looked at her as if she were a traitor, then he turned on his heel and left without a word. The dark-haired girl chased after him, calling out his name as she went.

Rey squeezed Ben’s hand reassuringly. She was naive to think that Finn would be completely understanding. But she had hope that he would come around.

***

Leia had shown them to a room that they could occupy for the few days that they would be on D’Qar before they were to attack the First Order.

Ben threw their bags on the narrow cot. Rey eyed a piece of fabric that was hanging out of the top of one of the bags, she snatched it up quickly, holding it to her chest.

“What are you doing with my cowl little scavenger.” Ben smirked at her.

She smiled brightly at him, “Well, my dark prince. _This_ cowl belongs to me… as do _you_.”

His eyebrows rose in amusement.

“Oh really?”

She nodded her head as she pulled the cowl over her shoulders. She liked the way he was looking at her. Rey could feel his pride rolling off of him in waves. He _liked_ that she had laid claim to him.

His expression turned serious as he looked down at his hands.

“Aren't you upset though? About your _friend_.”

She could feel his contempt in calling Finn that. _Traitor_ was unspoken across the bond.

“I'm not upset. I'm disappointed. I wish he would have heard me out instead of running away.”

A knock on the door interrupted them, Leia poked her head in.

“We are meeting in the boardroom. I pulled Finn aside, he will be _civil_. I expect the same of you Ben.”

Leia excused herself and left the two of them alone once more. Rey grabbed Ben’s hand, interlacing their fingers.

“Let’s go hear out their plan.”

***

The group gathered in the boardroom looked at Ben with caution. He couldn’t blame them if he were honest. He wouldn’t trust himself either. But it still served to make him uncomfortable. It was clear they didn’t want him here. They were afraid of him.

Leia introduced them to the group and started to talk about the strategy. Poe was to head up the x-wings, bombing the outside of Snoke’s base to cause a distraction. Finn and Rose, the dark-haired girl from earlier, were going undercover in First Order uniforms, their objective was to assassinate Hux.

Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little jealous. He wanted to kill that ginger worm with his bare hands.

While all of this would be going on, Rey, Luke, and himself would go up against Snoke and his guards. The part that Ben didn’t agree with was that his mother wanted to go along with them. He knew she felt a burning hatred for Snoke. And no matter how much Ben advised against it, his mother would not be deterred.

Rey left his side to seek out Finn, Ben felt it was best to not interrupt them. Even if it made him swell with jealousy to see her with him. He knew deep down that Finn was just a friend, and he had only ever been a friend.

Ben felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned to look at his uncle.

“Why don’t you come with me while the two of them talk?” he asked.

Ben followed reluctantly behind his uncle until they reached his temporary quarters.

“So I noticed that Rey is wearing your hooded cowl. I can’t believe she wouldn’t rather wear one of my panchos.” he smirked.

Ben rolled his eyes, Luke and his kriffing ponchos.

“Well I do have something you might be interested in acquiring, and I promise it isn’t a poncho.” Luke said.

Ben stood in the corner of the room as he waited for Luke to rifle through his bags. When he turned back around, he was holding a long black piece of fabric.

“When you were my Padawan, I had this made for you. I wanted to give it to you to celebrate the completion of your trials. Eh, but you know what happened before that time would have come.”

Ben grimaced at the memory of that terrible day, the day that the galaxy and _himself_ , found out about Darth Vader’s identity. Luke handed it over to him and he grabbed hold of the fabric, shaking it out. It was a cape, a black cape.

“You kept this, all this time?”

“Of course I did, I never lost hope. I knew that there was still light in you. I promised myself that when you were to come back to us, I would give you this.”

Ben hooked the cape over his shoulders. It matched well with the tunic he had bought from the market in Jakku. He didn’t look like a monster in a mask any longer, he looked like-- a hero.

He must have projected that thought, because Luke grabbed his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“You are a hero, you will be.” Luke promised.

Ben looked into his uncle’s striking blue eyes. And for once in his life, he wanted to believe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta Shawlee!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have about two more chapters!

Back in the quarters that were given to him and Rey, Ben took off the cape that Luke had given him and folded it up meticulously as he changed into some sleep pants. Tomorrow would be judgement day. Tonight was all they had left before the uncertainty of what the battle would bring.

Ben brushed his hand through his hair. He wanted this all to be over. He wanted to go somewhere with Rey, and never look back. He didn’t want to be a part of the Resistance or the First Order. He wanted to escape and start a life with the woman he loves.

As if he summoned her, she walked through the door with a pile of clothes under her arm.

Ben looked at the clothes and raised an eyebrow.

“You’re mother gave them to me.” she replied.

Rey placed them on the the table and walked over to where Ben was seated. She stood between his legs and pulled his head to her chest, his cheek pillowed against her breast. He could hear the fluttering of her heart.

Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her down on top of him, his back hitting the mattress as he kissed her.

Gently, he sunk his fingers into her hair and tugged the three buns loose. She looked at him with watery eyes. They were both terrified for what was to come. But tonight was all they had.

Their clothes were removed and soon she was sinking down on him to the hilt. Ben groaned into her neck as she rocked her hips against his. It was desperate love making. Needing to feel and be felt. Their lips connected in a fevered kiss as he thrust up into her awaiting body. Like this-- they were connected, they were one. The bond was alive as they moved together, swirling through their veins like fire. They were both crying, holding on to each other as tightly as they could. Needing this safety for just a little bit longer.

Rey was pushed over the edge first, and she dragged him over as well. They fell back onto the pillows and held each other.

***

As daylight started to shine through the viewport, Ben awoke to the sight of Rey getting dressed in her new attire that his mother had gifted to her. She had on tan pants with brown boots, and a dark gray tunic. She wore her scavenger wraps on top with her brown belt slung over her waist, and her arm wraps. She looked beautiful.

Ben walked up behind her and pressed a kiss to her neck.

“Do you want me to put your hair up?” he asked.

She nodded in affirmation, but replied. “Just half up, please.”

He looked at her questioningly and she gave him a small smile.

“I always wore my hair in three buns because that was how I remembered it as a child. I wanted to wear my hair that way so my parents would recognize me when they were to come back for me. Well, now I know that they aren’t coming back. I don’t need the three buns any longer.”

His heart broke for his love. He held her tightly until she patted his arm, letting him know that she was going to be okay.

Quickly, he brushed her hair out and put it up in a half up half down style. He didn’t think it was possible that she could look anymore beautiful, but she did.

Ben got dressed in his black tunic and pants and attached the cape on top. Rey eyed him with admiration. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her lips. He offered her his hand and she took it, intertwining their fingers as they made the way towards the hangar.

***

The Resistance members that were going on the mission had gathered in the hangar. Poe was talking to a group of X-wing pilots as they converged on what their plan would consist of.

Finn and Rose were dressed in plain black resistance wear. Ben could imagine that they would steal the First Order uniforms once they arrived on the base that Snoke inhabited.

They each gathered into their prospective ships and started towards Mustafar. Ben and Rey joined Luke and Leia in the Falcon. Ben piloted as Rey copiloted. The twins were talking quietly behind them about their plan.

Ben typed in the coordinates to Snoke’s location and took a deep breath, pressing the button for light speed.

***

Finn and Rose arrived on the fiery planet and Poe’s X-wings were already wreaking havoc on the hangar and surrounding areas. They landed their craft and snuck into the base. The first two officers they saw were grabbed and immediately stunned with their blasters. Quickly they pulled on the uniforms and pushed the unconscious bodies of the officers into a supply closet.

Finn didn’t ever think he would be back here. He had wanted to run, yet somehow he got pulled back into the fight. And if he were honest, he didn’t regret it. His partner, Rose, was an amazing person and he wanted to be somebody that she was proud of.

Their mission was simple, they were to take out the General. Finn didn’t have to work under Armitage Hux very much, but he had heard stories of how ruthless the ginger was. He did hope that they would cross paths with his former Captain. The tall, statuesque woman known as Phasma. She was cold in her own way, completely devoid of emotions. And Finn would never forget the horror of being sent to reconditioning under her command.

It wasn’t long before they found the bridge. Their target was standing at the viewport observing the damage that Poe was inflicting upon the base. He turned around with a scowl on his face. The officers around him, scrambling for purchase. Hux darted off across the bridge to the corridor beyond, and Finn knew that this was their chance. He motioned for Rose to follow him as they made their way across the bridge to follow the General.

***

The Falcon landed a few miles from the base, hidden behind a red volcanic mountain. The four of them made their way into the base, Ben leading the way as he knew every nook and cranny of this place, and how they would be able to sneak it.

Alarms were blaring as they entered the base. Ben led the way through the secluded winding passageways that hosted the prisons. This was where he was kept when Snoke had him tortured for his failings. Ben could feel the beads of sweat on his brow as he walked past the rooms, bringing back memories from the time he almost gave up.

Snoke’s chambers were heavily guarded by the Praetorian guards. There were eight of them, all dressed in red armor and holding various long weapons. Ben and Rey ignited their lightsabers, Rey’s saberstaff lighting the room in the beautiful golden glow, and Ben’s green cross guard saber spun in his hand. The guards looked up at the sound of the weapons and started to walk forward, prepared to fight.

Rey and Ben stood back to back as they were surrounded by five of the guards. The other three walked towards Luke and Leia. The green saber in Luke’s hand ignited as he charged forward to take on the guards.

Every slash of Ben’s saber against the guards weapons gave him more adrenaline to continue fighting. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rey fighting off three of the guards as she parried each of their attacks.

Blaster fires shot past them and hit two of the guards fighting Luke. When Ben glanced to his side, he saw his mother shooting at the guards with anger in her eyes. Luke reached into his robes and tossed her a saber. The Skywalker saber. She looked at it shakily before igniting it.

Ben turned back to the guard he was saber locked with and pushed him with the Force, knocking the man unconscious when his head hit the stone wall. Ben joined Rey as they took on the remaining four guards. Pulling on their bond to sense each other's movements, it was like a choreographed dance, being able to sense Rey’s next movements.

One by one, each guard was taken out. Rey and Ben were panting heavily as they disengaged their weapons and placed them back on their belts.

Ben turned to look at Luke, who was holding Leia in his arms. She had taken a baton to the stomach. Ben rushed over and fell to his knees in front of his mother.

“No, no, this can’t happen.” he cried.

Ripping his glove off, he held his hand over the bleeding wound on her stomach and summoned all the light he could muster. A blue light glowed from his palm as the bleeding started to stop and the torn skin began to knit back together.

“Take her to the Falcon.” Ben yelled at his uncle.

“Ben I want to help--” she started.

“No, mom. I need you alive.”

Luke pulled Leia up to standing and started to walk them back down the winding corridors.

“I need to take Snoke on alone. It’s my battle. My pain. My abuser.” he replied, as the twins walked away.

He felt a warm hand slipping into his.

“You won’t do this alone. We are in this together, Ben.” Rey said.

***

Finn walked up behind Hux and put the blaster to his temple, wrapping his other arm around the mans neck.

Rose came to the front of him and stole his datapad.

“Give us the codes for the security files.” Rose demanded.

Hux spit at her, just narrowly missing hitting her as she side stepped away from the glob. Finn jabbed the blaster hard into Hux’s temple.

“Give us the security codes.” Finn yelled.

“FN2187 is it?” Hux snarked. “What would you need with security codes anyway?”

“The names of the family you stole me from… and the names of all the families you took people from to force into the stormtrooper program.”

“You, FN2187, are an anomaly. The other stormtroopers have been through reconditioning. They have been programmed from birth to obey. You will have little purpose in tracking down families that they don’t care about.”

“The codes.” Finn shouted, cutting off Hux’s air supply for a moment.

The man coughed and glared over his shoulder at Finn. He mouthed out the code and Rose quickly inputted it.

“We’re in.” she replied.

“You think you can actually get away with this,” Hux started as he broke from Finn’s grasp and pressing a button his belt.

“This corridor with be flooded with troops in a matter of seconds,” Hux laughed.

“And that’s where you underestimated me.” Finn stated, “Because what you don’t know about is the stormtrooper rebellion happening right underneath your nose.”

The troopers entered the corridor and all held their weapons in position-- pointing them at the General.

“Now,” Rose spoke up, “You can either come quietly, or we can put you down. Your choice.”

***

Across the base, Ben and Rey walked up to the doors of Snoke’s chambers. It opened as they walked forward. The eerily dark presence of Snoke hit him like a durasteel wall. It was almost suffocating to be in his presence.

“Kylo Ren, you’ve returned.” Snoke said in an unsettling soft voice, as if he was proud. This was part of his abuse. He would prey on Ben’s vulnerability, make him believe that Snoke was the only person that cared about him, the only kind person in the Galaxy. But it was all lies.

Suddenly, Ben’s entire body was frozen in it’s spot. He felt fire running through his veins as blood curdling screams erupted from his chest. Tears flooded his face, and he felt like the sharp pierce of Snoke’s presence in his mind was going to end him then and there.

Rey ignited her saber staff and rushed forward, only to be stopped by Snoke’s invisible grasp.

“You’ve finally brought the scavenger girl. And you even care for her. Love-- such a base emotion. It makes you weak Kylo Ren. You are not the warrior that I trained you to be.”

Ben felt Snoke’s grasp on him loosen, just enough for Ben to regain control of his muscles. Snoke concentrated all of his attention on Rey as he lifted her off the ground, parallel to the floor and started torturing her. The sight of Rey, his Rey, screaming as his abuser shot pain through her body made Ben’s veins fill with red hot anger.

An explosion of Force energy shot out of Ben’s body, barreling into Snoke and throwing him off of his throne onto the hard stone of the cavern floor.

Ben ignited his saber and stalked forward to where Snoke’s body laid crumpled on the floor.

“And my name is no longer Kylo Ren. I am Ben Skywalker Solo.”

Snoke snorted in derision. Staggering to his knees and pulling out a saber from his mustard yellow robes.

Ben pulled his own saber back into his fighting stance and charged forward in what he hoped would be the end of Snoke’s reign. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta Shawlee, who still managed to edit this even after her 14 hour flight and experiencing Monday in three different time zones. She's the real MVP.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really only the epilogue to go. Thank you for going on this journey with me. It was originally supposed to only be 7 chapters... and look what happened.

Ben clenched his saber in an iron grip as he stalked towards the man that had been his downfall. The man that mentally and physically abused him. The man that preyed on his loneliness, his torments. Ben’s chest filled with a rage like he had never felt before. It was _Snoke_ that wanted him to kill his father. _Snoke_ that wants him to kill all his attachments… his mother, his uncle… Rey.

“Ben Skywalker Solo, I do believe that name was outlawed amongst the First Order.” Snoke snarked.

Snoke had risen back to his feet and kept his steely blue eyes locked onto Ben’s.

“When I found you, I saw raw, untamed power. And beyond that… something truly special.”

Ben swallowed hard, he held his saber out in a threatening stance.

“I was there for you when nobody else would listen. When everybody turned on you. When they blamed you for the massacre at the Jedi Academy. Not ever giving you the opportunity to explain that those students had _turned_ on you. That you were only defending yourself. My poor, sweet, apprentice. Have you lost your way? You think a warm body is all it takes to turn back to the light. Can’t you see? She’s _using_ you for your power.

Ben had heard those words before. In another time, in another place… where he made the wrong decision.

_Snoke’s using you for your power, manipulating your abilities. When he’s gotten everything he wants out of you, he’ll crush you. Toss you aside. You know it’s true._

Ben gritted his teeth, he heard Rey pushing up to her knees on the cavern floor. She was coming to after Snoke’s torture left her unconscious.

“No, I’m done listening to your lies.” Ben reached out with his left hand and grabbed Snoke’s neck with the Force.

Snoke was relentless, for such an aged and decrepit man, he still had immense power. Although Ben was cutting off Snoke’s air supply, he was hit with a pain that shot through his veins like fire until it reached his head and rendered him motionless. Snoke was inside of his mind.

The saber in his hand swung on its own accord. He turned on his heels and walked stiffly towards Rey. But he couldn’t turn back, his body wasn’t responding to his own demands.

Rey could see the torment in his eyes, the fear. He raised his saber over his head and slashed down, meeting Rey’s golden blades in a saber lock.

“Now, apprentice.” Snoke laughed. “I’m going to sit here and watch you kill the one you love most in this galaxy.”

***

The group of stormtroopers that had sworn their allegiance to the resistance, led a binded General Hux back to the resistance ship that had brought Finn and Rose planetside.

Finn wasn’t quite finished yet. There was one more person from his past that he needed to face. He grabbed a riot baton from one of the stormtroopers and walked swiftly to the hangar where he knew the Captain would be, scrambling for evacuation.

Rose was at his heels, she had told him that she wasn’t going to let him do this alone. Face her alone.

The hangar was littered with fire from the explosions given off from the X-wings. He saw her-- head to toe covered in her chrome armor.

Finn rushed forward, yelling at the top of his lungs as he swung the baton. Phasma caught his blow with her weapon and pushed him away.

“FN2187,” she said in her modulated voice. “I see you are behind this attack.”

Finn started chasing after her, thrashing the baton against her armor, knocking her off balance.

So many thoughts were running through his mind. All the times he was sent to reconditioning. It was because of this woman. She had treated him like he was less than dirt. And he had believed her. He didn’t think he was worthy of greatness.

His muscles burned as they met blow for blow. Phasma was starting to get the high ground on him, pushing him back against the ledge of the hangar bay. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rose lift up her blaster.

Finn knocked Phasma’s helmet off and was met with her ice cold blue eyes, and platinum blonde short cropped hair. He had never seen the face behind the mask, and if he were honest, he was shocked at her appearance.

Rose shot her blaster, hitting Phasma in the neck. She collapsed on the ground as Rose ran up to meet him.

“I set it to stun. What do we do with her?”

“We have no use for her.” Finn replied. “Leave her.”

***

Ben was fighting against the invisible pull on his limbs. His heart was racing with each strike against Rey’s saber. He didn’t want this. They were supposed to be fighting Snoke together. But Snoke was pitting them against each other, using him as a puppet like he had for so many years.

There was another voice in his head, not the dark one from his nightmares. No, this one was filled with light.

_Do not let him in. Feel the balance within. Only then will you break free from this._

Standing just behind Rey, he saw the blue tinged image of his grandfather’s Force ghost. Anakin was watching him, and guiding him through this.

Ben shut his eyes as he held Rey’s blades in another saber lock. He concentrated on the Force around him and within, pulling from Rey’s light to counter the immense dark within his soul.

He felt the shift in the Force. With both light and dark flowing through him, he was able to regain movement of his limbs and throw Snoke out of his mind.

Ben turned around and raised his saber above his head and ran forward towards Snoke. Then he felt his body being hit with what could only be Force lightning. His knees hit the ground as he gasped in pain. Was it really going to end like this?

Run. He pushed through the bond to Rey. _Snoke’s body is tired, he will die from the strength it takes._   _Leave now, run Rey. Run!_

He felt her fury over his words, the dark inside of her swirled like a cyclone. He had felt this power only once before. Back at the academy, when the students had turned on him. He wasn’t sure what to do with his powers, and it all seemed to _explode_ out of him, causing destruction like he had never seen before.

Ben knew there was no stopping this kind of power once it manifested. He threw up a protective shield over himself and Rey as her rage exploded out of her in a Force blast. The cavern rumbled as the stone floors cracked from the strength of the Force flowing through Rey’s body. Explosions and fire littered their bodies. And Snoke was laid out on the ground, motionless. And that dark entity that always lingered in the recesses of his mind. It was finally silenced. He was finally dead.

Rey looked around the room with shaking hands. Then she looked into his eyes and she looked terrified. Terrified of what she had done, terrified of the power within. Ben had been there before and nobody was there for him when he needed them the most.

He reached out his hand, heaving as he breathed deeply. She had tears in her eyes as she grabbed his hand. Ben pulled her into his chest and kissed her passionately, surrounded by the burning embers and the cracked stone floor. He kissed her, bringing her closer into his arms and scooping her up off of her feet.

Ben pushed more thoughts across the bond as their lips tangled together.

_I’m here. I’ll always be here with you. We are together in this, you’ll never be alone again._

The cavern started to shake, causing Ben to pull away from Rey’s lips. They looked at each other with knowing glances. They needed to get out before the room collapsed on top of them.

Together, they ran out of the throne room and through the complex. It was absolute chaos within. Ben could only hope the others had achieved their objectives and made it back to safety.

Outside, they saw the lights of the Millennium Falcon as it came to land right in front of them. The ramp was lowered and Ben pushed Rey ahead of him before running up the ramp himself.

Luke was piloting as his mother sat in the co-pilot’s chair. They quickly entered the coordinates for the resistance base on D’Qar and as soon as they hit atmo, Luke pressed the button for light speed.

The stars were long streaks of white lights as they shot through hyperspace. Ben finally collapsed from the exhaustion. Rey falling to his side as well.

“We did it.” she mouthed into his neck.

“He’s gone.” Ben replied. “He’s really gone.”

“We felt it too,” Luke said out loud. “It was as if a great darkness was lifted from the Force itself.”

***

Once they had landed back on the resistance base, Ben and Rey went straight to their quarters. Ben was nervous, now that Snoke had been defeated-- what was to happen to him? He could only imagine what he would get-- execution, prison, exile. He wasn’t sure which he deserved most.

His heart broke when he thought about Rey. He had promised her that they would be together. But what if they did decide to execute him? What would happen to Rey then? He had to believe that she would be strong enough to go on without him.

He must have projected those thoughts because Rey ran up to him once they were behind closed doors, and threw her arms around his waist.

“If they sentence you to death, we will run away, together. They can’t take you away from me. Not when I’ve only just found my place in all of this.”

Ben kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. Whatever sentence, whatever punishment-- he hoped it wouldn’t cause them more heartache. He would run away with Rey. But that would mean that they were both fugitives. They would constantly have to live on the edge. They would have to go someplace where they could disappear. Ben hoped that it wouldn’t have to come down to that.

“Come on,” Rey replied, dragging him over to the bed. “Let’s forget about all of this. Just for tonight. Tomorrow we can face the judgement.”

They quickly rid each other of their torn and soiled clothing as Ben crawled on top of Rey and sunk into her heat. This feeling, of being together, of being connected in body and in mind. It was something Ben would never tire of.

They made love in their small quarters, with the moonlight shining in upon their bodies. And just for that moment-- everything in the galaxy felt like it was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta Shawlee <3


	18. Chapter 18

With the morning, came judgment for Ben Solo. His knees were slammed into the ground as he was thrown in front of the group of senators with his hands in binders.

Ben could feel Rey’s fury over the bond. She didn’t like how the guards were manhandling him. And with the slightest flick of his wrist, he could have sent the guards barreling across the room. Yet he didn’t. He let them slam his knees into the ground. If it meant a better possibility of being with Rey— then he would do more than comply.

He waited as the visiting senators glared down at him.

“Kylo Ren.” One of them spoke. It was an elderly man. “You are guilty of the destruction of your uncle’s Jedi Academy, mass genocide, patricide, amongst more crimes against the galaxy. And what is it that you expect to come of this? You expect for us to let you walk free?”

Ben hung his head in shame. He would never be able to make up for the hurt he had caused. His eyes remained on the durasteel floor when he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he looked behind him, he saw Luke looking at the senators with a steely gaze.

“My nephew is no longer Kylo Ren. He is Ben Skywalker Solo. He was manipulated. Preyed on since conception. He was abused and neglected. And none of us were there for him when he needed us the most. He has committed atrocities. But not all of what you speak is the truth. The destruction of the Hosnian system had nothing to do with Ben. If you want the man in charge of that-- you have him. Sitting in a cell two levels below ground. Armitage Hux was behind the Hosnian system.”

The senator had anger in his eyes, it was clear he was out for blood. This man was not going to let him live to see another day. Ben didn’t realize how much that hurt. Knowing that he would be leaving his family behind that he only just got back. Leaving Rey behind.

“Execution.” The senator exclaimed.

“NO! You can’t, he killed Snoke. He saved the resistance, the GALAXY.” It was Rey, pleading for his life. She made her way in front of him and stared into the senator’s eyes. “Exile. I will go with him and watch over him.” she added.

“As will I.” Luke spoke up.

The senator grit his teeth but nodded his head. The other senators agreed with the notion. Ben was given two hours to pack up and say his goodbyes.

***

There wasn’t much for Ben to pack. The few clothes he owned, his lightsaber, some rations packs, and the cape that Luke had made for him. Rey packed up her sparse belongings and started loading up the Falcon.

Leia was standing by the ramp with her arms crossed over her chest. It broke his heart to see his mother looking like this.

Ben dropped his bag on the ground and walked to his mother. She had tears in her eyes, but she held out her arms and hugged him tightly. She was so tiny in his arms.

“You can come with us,” he suggested, almost pleading.

“One day, but for now, I am needed here. Once everything is settled-- I will come.”

“Mother,” he choked out. “I love you.”

“I love you too son.”

Once Ben released his mother, he grabbed his bag from the ground and made his way up the ramp. Rey was already inside and prepping the Falcon for flight.

Looking out the viewport, Ben saw Luke speaking to his mother. They hugged for a long time before Luke finally pulled away.

Just as Luke started walking up the ramp, Ben grabbed Rey’s hand and pulled her along to the opening.

“Ben what are you?” she started.

“Uncle, marry us. Please. Do it now, so my mother can witness.”

Luke looked shocked but nodded his head.

“I will marry you, but you will have a wedding at a later time. Do you understand?”

Ben nodded in agreement. Luke married them there, on the ramp of the Falcon with his mother wiping tears from her eyes. When Ben kissed Rey, he twirled her around in his arms. He couldn’t believe that this was his life. That he had been given the gift of her love.

“So where are we being exiled to.” Ben asked as Luke followed him up the ramp, closing it behind him.

“Yavin IV,” Luke replied.

***

The jungle moon had long been abandoned as a rebel base. The jedi temple ruins still remained and were a beautiful reminder of their history.

Luke, Rey, and Ben scouted the area and found the barracks still in good condition. It would work as shelter for the time being. Ben planned to build him and Rey a home of their own. One where they could have privacy from Luke, but more so to have a place to call their own.

Once they had unpacked their belongings, Luke handed out some rations and they sat in a circle while they ate, in relative silence.

Ben was taking a bite out of his ration bar when he felt a cool breeze on his left side. When he turned, he jumped at the sight of his Force ghost grandfather.

“Maker, do you have to sneak up on me every time.” Ben snapped.

Anakin smiled brightly before turning to Luke.

“Have you thought about what we discussed, son?”

Luke’s face didn’t give off any indication that he had. Yet, he nodded his head in agreement.

“Yes, I do believe that the three of us-- Ben, Rey, and myself, will explore the path of the gray. The Jedi are no longer. We will bring true balance to the Force by using both sides. It’s the only way.”

A sense of relief washed over Ben, knowing that he would have a purpose in his new life of exile. He would have been content to live out the rest of his days with Rey. But this gave him something to do, a reason to get up each morning. To remain diligent and train in the ways of the Force. To no longer feel torn between the light and the dark, he would finally be at peace.

***

That night, they both were completely naked as they laid in their small bunk together. Rey was straddling his hips as she rose up and slid down onto his length. Ben grabbed her waist and rocked her against him.

“My beautiful wife.” he mouthed against her skin.

Her breasts bounced with each thrust he gave into her awaiting body. He couldn’t get enough of her. Her warmth washed over him and their bond simmered as they became one.

He leaned forward and took her nipple into his mouth, sucking languidly as they made love.

Finally, he was getting the second chance that he thought he would never deserve. He wanted nothing more than to do right by Rey and what they were to have together.

He captured her lips in a heated kiss and he whispered promises of love and devotion across their bond.

***

Their wedding was held a few moon cycles later. It was a small gathering in front of the Jedi temple ruins. The vines and overgrowth on the stone walls served as a metaphor for their life of exile and the rebuilding of the Jedi Order. Or rather, their new purpose in the gray.

Rey wore a simple white flowy dress with off the shoulder, bell sleeves. Ben couldn’t help but to think she looked stunning standing in the middle of the jungle, with a flower crown placed on her head.

Her smile lit up her entire face as she walked towards him. The only witnesses being Luke, his mother, and the few friends of Rey’s that she had made along the way.

The former stormtrooper, Finn, had warmed up to Ben. It may have been simply for Rey’s sake, but Ben would take it. Her friends hadn’t been thrilled with her decision to join Ben in exile. But it was just that— Rey’s decision.

He felt his eyes sting as he tried to hold in the tears threatening to fall. Rey held a bouquet of wildflowers as she made her way towards him.

They made promises to always love one another and to be there through the good times and the bad. They were to be one now, already bound by the Force but now tied together in every way that they could be.

Rey threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a heated kiss. Ben bent down and sweeped Rey up off her feet into his arms. He carried her through the jungles, much like he did the first time he saw her. But this time, she was kissing every inch of his face as he walked them back to the barracks.

Ben laid her gently down on the cot and pushed the silky fabric of her dress over her hips. She was gloriously bare beneath her dress and he buried his face between her thighs, worshipping the woman that he had grown to love with all of his heart.

***

As the years passed, the war had been won. The Galaxy was finally in peace, for the time being anyway.

His mother had finally left the resistance, retiring and moving to Yavin IV to be with her family.

Ben thought it couldn’t have come at a better time, because Rey had just taken his hands in hers and placed them on her belly, telling him to concentrate on the Force. And once he had done just that, he felt it-- a flicker of light.

His heart felt like it was going to explode. He was going to be a father. Something he never thought he would be worthy of. But he knew, by the Force he knew that he would do everything in his power to be the best father to their little light.

When Luke had found out that they were having a baby, his eyes widened and he grumbled under his breath about _raw strength_ and how this baby would be too powerful. Little did he know that Rey and Ben had agreed to have a large family. They had both yearned for belonging. It was something they both wanted.

Kal Solo was born with a head full of dark locks and hazel eyes that matched his mother’s. He was so tiny as he laid across Rey’s chest. Ben kept kissing Rey’s forehead, whispering coos of encouragement. Telling her that she did so well, she made the perfect baby.

Kal was indeed strong in the Force. As he started to grow he trained with his great Uncle Luke. Kal looked up to Ben and loved hearing stories about his parents and how they became the balance of the Force. Kal was born from both the light and the dark, so he was the embodiment of balance.

It wasn’t long after having Kal, that Rey got pregnant again. This time with twins. Ben had never felt more panicked. Kal was only a standard five years old. And now they were going to have two more babies.

Silas and Kiara Solo were born during the summer solstice. Silas had dark hair and dark eyes like his father, and Kiara had light brown hair and hazel eyes like Rey, and they were both Force sensitive.

Their personalities couldn’t have been more different. While Kal was dedicated to his training in the Force, Silas took an interest in politics and spent a lot of time with his grandmother. Leia loved talking to him about her time in the Senate. Ben would smirk as he thought about what his son would be like as a Senator one day. Kiara was rambunctious, everything to her was about speed. She loved to race her hover bike against her brothers, and she always beat them. She was a force to be reckoned with.

When the twins turned five, Rey had their second daughter. Skylar Solo. They knew she would be strong in the Force merely by her Force signature in the womb. She shone so brightly in the Force. As she grew, she was like a shadow to her oldest brother, Kal. She had long dark hair and green eyes that lit up whenever Kal spoke to her. He took her under his wing and trained her in the ways of the Force along with their great uncle.

When Kal turned 15, Luke named him a Knight and let him fully train Skylar as his padawan. The family had a ceremony to celebrate the achievement.

The celebration was held at the large house that Ben had built for his family. With their ever growing family— they needed more room than the barracks would allow.

Finn and Rose came to visit for the ceremony, they had gotten married a few years after Ben and Rey had.

Once everybody had gotten some food and were sitting around the large dining room table, Ben clinked his glass to gather everybody’s attention.

“Kal,” he started. “I couldn’t be more proud of you. You are my first born and truly the piece that holds this family together. You are smart and talented, and yet you are still eager to better yourself and to learn from your mistakes. I love you son. May the Force be with you.”

They each lifted their glasses to toast Kal’s achievement.

Rey excused herself and walked towards the backyard. Ben followed her and placed a hand on her back.

“Are you alright starlight?”

She smiled and rose to her toes to kiss him on the lips. She only grew more beautiful as each day passed them by. Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer. Then he felt it—

“You’re—”

“Yes.” she smiled brightly.

Ben placed a hand on her stomach and felt the little light that had formed there.

“It’s a boy.” she replied. “Kieran Solo.”

“Kieran Solo.” he agreed, pulling Rey in for another kiss.

As they were kissing they were interrupted by a cough. When they broke apart and looked up it was to see the figures of Anakin and Obi Wan watching them from a short distance.

“Another one?” Obi Wan asked with a smirk.

“The more the merrier,” Anakin said.

Obi Wan disappeared and Rey gave Ben one last peck on the lips before returning to the party.

Ben looked up at his grandfather and couldn’t keep the grin from his face.

“You did it.” Anakin said.

“Did what?”

“You finished what I started… you brought balance to the Force.”

Anakin faded away, leaving Ben to reflect upon his life and how he had gotten to this point. And how it all started with a vision of a girl with three buns that lined the back of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can’t believe this is over. Shawlee, thank you so so much for loving this story and being a wonderful beta. 
> 
> Perry, thank you for reading the first chapter of this and encouraging me to actually post it. I wouldn’t have posted any of my writing without that push from you. 
> 
> Readers, thank you. Your comments, kudos, bookmarks all mean the world to me. 
> 
> This is so bittersweet. But I feel like I gave reylo the ending I’ve always wanted for them. So I hope that you enjoyed it and please leave me a comment to let me know. 
> 
> The kids: 
> 
> Kal Solo- (named by Shawlee) very strong in the Force. 
> 
> Silas Solo- (boy twin) will grow up to be a senator like his grandmother and great grandmother. 
> 
> Kiera Solo- (girl twin named by theboywhocan11) will grow up to be a racer/smuggler like grandpa Han. 
> 
> Skylar Solo- (yes this is a play off of Skywalker) will also take up training in the Force. 
> 
> Kieran Solo- I will let you all decide what he ends up doing. He will end up looking like Jacob Tremblay. Brown hair and hazel eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> A special thank you to PerryDowning who looked over this chapter a few weeks ago, and gave me some good ideas going foreward.


End file.
